What the F?

73 year old man lives the dream... grosses out thousands.

2008-07-28T14:30:00.003-04:00

I'm not entirely sure how I should feel about this. I mean, I think its great that such an older man is still getting out and about and feels he is in the best shape of his life but at the same time... ew. Whos watching this stuff? I might have once or twenty times but no more then that and I hardly touched myself... and by hardly I mean till completion.

I honestly couldn't do this ay my age let alone 73. I get camera shy. And also don't know how to please a woman physically or emotionally. Anyways, check this out:

Shigeo Tokuda looks like your average retiree, wearing a classy gray suit and distinguished glasses. But there is nothing average about this 73-year-old when he steps in front of the camera. Shigeo Tokuda is a porn star.

Shigeo Tokuda (his pseudonym) says he hopes to work until he's 80 or even older.

From women in their 20's to their 70's, Tokuda romances them all (sometimes more than one at a time). Tokuda is a genuine leading man in the genre of elderly porn, starring in more than 200 adult videos. Tokuda (that's his porn name) is so successful, he is a brand.

"I retired and didn't have anything to do," says Tokuda, a former 9 to 5 travel agent. "This is my second life. I don't know how long I can keep living, but I want to enjoy the rest of it."

Tokuda certainly looks like he's enjoying life, saying he's healthier now than he's been in years. So are sales of his DVD's, primarily among middle-aged and elderly buyers.

"In his generation, Tokuda is a superstar," says Gaichi Kono, an adult video director who has worked with Tokuda. Watch how Shigeo Tokuda has launched a second career »

"He encourages older people to think, I can do this because that old man can do this."

Ruby Productions produces Tokuda's movies and specializes in elderly porn videos. It's a genre they helped pioneer by accident.

Ryuichi Kadowaki, president of Ruby Productions, says they started producing adult videos with people in their 30's to good sales. They creeped up to 40 year old actors and they sold even better. Kadowaki says they went up to actors in their 50's, then 60's, and now they're producing an entire line of adult videos with actors in their 70's.

And their star, says Ruby, is Tokuda. "To be honest, I don't understand why people are buying these videos," he says. "I think our older customers must feel a sense of security by watching videos with an actor who is in the same generation."

Ruby says it's targeting the elderly audience and considering selling videos in retirement homes. Ruby also says it's just completed a deal to release some of Tokuda's movies in the U.S.

Japan does have a higher percentage of people over the age of 65 than any country in the world. Ruby Productions says it's just meeting a demand of an aging Japanese society.

Tokuda says his friends are envious, because he's in a job where he's valued, something many seniors lack. "Seniors get depressed because they don't have anything to do. They go crazy," says Tokuda.
Tokuda hopes to work until he's 80 or even older. Giving it his all, he says, until the end.

The most awesome thing you'll see this week

2008-04-07T16:59:00.002-04:00

These guys are too cool for words.

Not to be crude but...

2008-02-22T00:05:00.001-05:00

WOW

WOW

I am a polar bear!

2008-02-19T15:14:00.009-05:00

This past weekend I went down to Sea Isle City, NJ and did the polar bear plunge with my brother in law and his cousin. My balls will never be the same.

Now I initially had no intention on going into the ocean and doing the plunge, I was going to purely spectate, but after drinking from 10 in the morning it started to become a pretty good idea.

There I am standing on the beach with my brother in laws father in my nice warm jacket getting ready to watch these two run into the ocean, one in only a bathing suit and the other in a speedo (picture below), when I decided, "Hey, why aren't I doing this? It'll be a good story at least". And thats when I stripped down to my underwear and joined them. I'm still not sure if this was a good idea or not but damn was it cold... and fun.

Let's just say that my legs went numb from being in the water (or wooder as I say) for about 10 seconds and my balls literally felt like someone was stepping on them. Meanwhile my brother in laws cousin was out up to his neck doing a backstroke. Crazy bastard. Well here are some pics and video I found that we happen to show up in. Enjoy.

Here I am checking out my shrinkage

Here I am picking my ass

Here is my sweet, sweet ass

Here is my brother in laws cousin running in his banana hammock

My brother in law and I running into the water

And another of me running in... I look an adonis don't ya think?

And here is the video I got the pics from.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid900829086/bctid1421078814

I'm in love...

2008-02-13T14:21:00.003-05:00

with Evangeline Lilly. Yea, I know me and every other guy in the world is but before it was purely on looks. Not so anymore. I saw her on Letterman last night and she is grade A-dorable.

Basically I'm asking if anyone knows her and would like to introduce her to me. Theres a slight chance she would feel bad for me and get a drink with me. The chances are slim though because she mentions to Dave something about a girlfriend. Is that a real "friend" or a real "girlfriend"? Not that that would be the reason my chances are slim, thats all me folks. I don't have a lot going for me in the old charm, looks, personality, or hygiene department. Anyway, check her out on Dave last night, she's awesome.

Dude punches his attorney

2008-02-07T11:07:00.000-05:00

in the courtroom.

Give them and inch...

2008-02-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

I'm generally not the kind of guy who gets bothered by much, in fact I usually just let things roll off my back and say it is no big deal. I've been like that since high school when I for some reason mellowed out. Grade school, not so much... but anyway...

This morning is different for some reason. Something so stupid, so minor is still on my mind from my train ride into work. It's funny too because if it was something major, something everyone would be mad about, I wouldn't even care.

So I'm on the train this morning and for once I actually got a seat. Thats right, no standing for this guy. I'd like to say I got the seat based on my dashing good looks and charmed someone into giving up the seat but, well, if you know me you know thats not true. Just got lucky. Until this broad sits next to me.

Do I care if someone sits next to me on the train? Not unless they stink or, God forbid, want to talk to me. Other then that, feel free to park that thang next to me and enjoy the ride. But this woman did something that I feel is a common courtesy. You have a certain amount of leg room in your seat and she was clearly over the edge. It was like her knee was jumping over the Mexican border into the United States of my lap.

I know its dumb but its so annoying. Whenever I accidentally bump someones leg with mine in this situation my instinct is to move my leg over. Not this subhuman. She kept putting on more pressure.

So finally I turn to her and say, "Hey, twat face, would you mind moving that thunder thigh over a little? It feels like my leg is about to be turned into a diamond from the pressure." She was shocked! Well, she would have been if I did in fact say that but, you know, I'm spineless.

Well that was my rant for the day. It feels good getting that off my chest. I feel better now actually. In fact I don't even care anymore. Consider this officially rolled off my back.

Finally.

2008-01-29T20:09:00.000-05:00

As a dude who loves female celebrities, i couldn't be more excited for Chickipedia.

First thing i did was make sure my top 10 are on there (yes i'm still that immature) and a couple were missing. So now i have a project to work on.

It's still in beta and has some kinks to work out, and are the body measurements really necessary? It's almost creepy. But so great.

Now when I inevitably run into these women, i can present myself like a legitimate groupie who knows waaay too much about them.

Much to do about nothing

2008-01-29T12:56:00.000-05:00

In case anyone was wondering, and you weren't, I am currently home sick and very bored. Being home with nothing to do equals me writing another horrible blog post about nothing much. Ready? Here goes!

I guess I shall start with ye olde super bowl this Sunday. We got the Pats Vs. the New York football Giants. Ugh. I did not want the Pats to go undefeated and have a perfect season. Does Tom Brady really need to go perfect? He already is perfect! I just pray that there is something wrong with him that no one knows about, like webbed feet or a tail.

Did I mention I hate the Giants? So I'm forced to route for Mr. Perfect, and I don't mean Curt Henning, Tom Brady. Jerk.

It's that time of year again folks. That time where I get to pick out games from my friends Phillies season tickets. If anyone came to a game with me last year you will remember that they r-o-c-k-e-d. Behind home plate. This year they will be slightly better and if I buy 10 games I can also buy a Bo Sox game. Awwwwww shit! I can't wait for baseball.

And if anyone is interested in coming, it only costs a couple of beers! The only down side is that you would have to go with me. I know its a tough decision, awesome seats to a Phillies game but talking to me for three hours... what to do.

I'm starting to really like free pool Wednesdays at the Lions Den and hottubs in the winter.

And to finish up, guess who finally got their permit?

What is wrong with Texas?

2008-01-24T12:19:00.000-05:00

Recently in Stephenville, TX a woman claims she saw a UFO, which isn't a big deal really, they think they see them all the time. But look at how the town rolls with it! Every business has a welcome sign for the aliens as if they're real.

Why are people from Texas so crazy? I blame it on the love they have for high school football.

What happens when you mix polar bears and huskies?

2008-01-22T22:37:00.000-05:00

Surprisingly something adorable.

I've been posting the cute lately folks and I thinks I like it.

This just in: Collin Farrell in a movie that looks pretty good!

2008-01-21T19:12:00.000-05:00

I always fall for the slapstick, hitman, British, buddy movie. It does have Colin Farrell in it however, hmmm to see or not to see.

The times they are a changin'

2008-01-21T09:59:00.000-05:00

I'm all for changes being made to better ourselves and more importanly the earth but some things are just a little hard to swallow and take time to adjust to.

Apparently, out in Orange County, CA they are having a little bit of a drinking water problem. The problem being they don't have enough. This is where modern technology comes into play. Basically think about the last place in your home you would want to drink water from and you might get where this is going. Yup, toilet water. Not the clear kind either, the yellow or, dear God help us, the brown kind.

In six months Orange Countians (or is it Orange countites?) will be drinking sewer water distilled through a $500 million refinery. The best part about it though is it only takes two days to go from butt water to mouth water. Pretty good deal if you ask me.

I think at first people might be affraid of this new water (or wooder as I call it) but as long as it tastes fine people wont care after awhile. They might even start bottling it and making some money. People drink cat poop coffee right? Hell, we are even going to be eatting cloned meat soon... well, not me personally. I'd become a vegitarian first but some people will.

Win one for the gipper

2008-01-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

I was reading CNN.com today and found a interesting sports article. It was about "super fans" and what made them super. You can read the whole thing here if you so desire http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/01/18/sports.fans/index.html
but this one is my favorite, and actually number 1 on the list. I clearly have good taste.

Our first story has a fairy-tale middle and a horrible ending.

In August of '77, Bobby Murcer of the Cubs promised to hit a home run for terminally ill fan Scott Crull. That night, Murcer hit two of them. Pretty amazing, especially when you consider Murcer only hit nine homers the whole next season. But that's not why Crull -- a 12-year-old from Calumet City, Illinois -- makes this list.

Broadcasting the game nationally on ABC, Keith Jackson told the country how Murcer had fulfilled the dying boy's last wish. Eyes watered, spines tingled.

There was only one problem -- nobody had ever told the boy he was dying. His parents were horrified. Weeks later, Crull passed away.

Honestly, is that not the worst/best thing you've ever read? I feel bad for the kid but come on!

This story has made me start thinking that I should become a super fan or stalker, which ever one really. I just need to find something I'm passionate about enough to stalk. I'm open to suggestions. Actually, if someone has been looking for a stalker let me know. It'll make things easier for me if I don't have to do any work.

Call me a woman if you must...

2008-01-16T11:44:00.000-05:00

But this is the cutest kitten I've ever seen in my life. I would let it hang from my eyeballs with its claws just so I could be closer to it.

Edit: This is the second post today I've made about cats... just thought that was kinda weird.

$41 to savour a single cup of luwak coffee

2008-01-16T09:26:00.000-05:00

I know what your thinking, $41 for one cup of coffee? That's outrageous! But apparently it tastes like caramel, chocolate, earthy and musty. I don't even like coffee and I think that sounds delicious... except that it is made from cat poop. I'm not trying to be funny, its literally made from poop from a cats behind. Basically Indonesian civet cats eat coffee beans, that probably cost a couple of cents, then they poop the beans out and wham-o! $41 a cup!

My biggest question is how did someone figure this out? Really, who decides to grind beans that came out of a cats tookus? Well, here is my guess: college kids. It's so obvious. Who else does ridiculous stuff like that? "Dude, lets grind up this cat bean shit and make someone drink it!". "Dude, awesome idea. Now lets high five and play some wii bro!." Yup, just like that folks... just like that.

I'm going to end this post with a question to everyone, how much would you pay for my brand new JC coffee bean blend?

Scariest video on youtube

2008-01-15T22:39:00.001-05:00

I cant get past 10 seconds in.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8CL2hetqpfg

Youtube presents: Misheard Lyrics

2008-01-10T09:07:00.000-05:00

I love these. Here's my favorite:

Sh*t cracks me up.

What the F is back baby!

Possibly a major spoiler for the movie "Cloverfield"

2008-01-08T20:26:00.000-05:00

I know our friend unusual suspect over at sounpretty realllllly wants to see this movie but I also know she's probably dieing to see what the hell knocked the head off of the statue of liberty.

So, here it is.

edit: just saw the movie... looked nothing like this.

Awesome new product, Rapex!

2007-12-21T21:14:00.001-05:00

RAPEX is a new product that was developed to empower women to defend themselves against rapists. RAPEX is a device used by women to prevent rape and to identify the rapist. The RAPEX prototype was launched on 31 August 2005, at Kleinmond, Cape Province, South Africa.

I'm not sure if this product is absolutely crazy or amazing? Its good that a women has a last ditch effort way to prevent being raped but what if she accidentally left it in for someone she wanted to have sex with? I think that guy would be just a tad bit pissed... ok very pissed. Who wouldnt? The thing has to be surgically removed... from your penis!!!

Welcome to Wally World

2007-12-15T11:41:00.000-05:00

This fellow feels that he has figured out how stonehenge was built. It might not have been what they did but it seems like it would have also worked.

For all the ladies that complain about their ass

2007-12-02T22:52:00.000-05:00

Don't do it ladies. No matter what your ass looks like there will always be someone out there who likes it. Trust me, I'm a man who loves the ass.

And if you really want it bigger here are some pointers:
1. Eat a damn candy bar once and awhile. It goes straight to your ass and tastes great.

2. Just do some squats or leg presses. Its a little bit harder then just eating candy but in the long run its most likely better. Plus If you do decide to do squats I will get to watch. I'll be the creepy guy doing curls in the corner.

Now, if you dont want your ass to be bigger do the opposite of what I said... i guess.

JMoney this has your name written all over it

2007-11-29T21:21:00.000-05:00

My money is on Bonaduce.

http://www.philly.com/dailynews/columnists/dan_gross/20071127_Dan_Gross___Alycia___Booker_sittin_in_a_tree___.html
Wanna fight Danny Bonaduce?
Broomall-born Danny Bonaduce is returning to his hometown and hoping to kick ass.
He'll be here Jan. 19 for a celebrity boxing match at the Marple Sports Arena in Broomall, and promoter Damon Feldman is seeking a challenger to fight Bonaduce for three rounds.
The troubled "Partridge Family" star is pretty tough and known to have a short fuse so we hope it's a serious scrapper who steps up to the challenge. Feldman seeks a nonprofessional fighter between 160 to 190 pounds.
However, as Bonaduce told us yesterday, "It doesn't matter how much he weighs. It'll only matter what he sounds like when he hits the floor." Bonaduce says he's "a lot better at fighting people than I am at stand-up comedy, and I make a lot of money doing that," so he's happy that some proceeds from the event will benefit Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.
Bonaduce left the area as a kid, but returned and lived in Manayunk while hosting mornings at Eagle 106 in the early '90s.
Feldman's hosting an open registration from 2 to 4 p.m. Friday at the Oasis Gentlemen's Club (6800 Essington). Interested applicants must pay a $50 fee. The match will be three one-minute rounds with headgear. For additional
info, e-mail damonfeldman@ hotmail.com.

How much ya squat?

2007-11-22T13:23:00.000-05:00

You dont have to workout to find these funny. It would help if you had a soul or a sense of humor though.

I don't need to add any commentary to this

2007-10-24T22:20:00.001-04:00

http://www.cracked.com/article_15636_10-most-terrifyingly-inspirational-80s-songs.html

My old ringtone supports this post.

Sooooo practical

2007-10-21T17:35:00.000-04:00

For all of us who hate to get out of bed and get our shotgun!

To all the aniaml lovers

2007-10-21T17:16:00.000-04:00

An "artist" chained up a dog in a gallery and let it starve to death. He calls it art. I call it worthless shock value. Please sign this petition to ban him from an art festival he was selected to go to.

http://www.petitiononline.com/130319...tion-sign.html

News for cats and dogs - Costa Rican Artist Under Fire For Starving Dog As Part Of Art Exhibit

As if my birthday could have been any better

2007-10-19T16:27:00.000-04:00

swamp ass + sugar = jones soda

2007-10-17T22:04:00.000-04:00

In case your tierd of that bland old soda such as Coca-cola and Pepsi, you can try something new like sweaty underwear or throwing dirt in your mouth. Oh, never wanted to taste that? Too bad cause now you can!

SEATTLE (AP) -- Ever wonder what the Seahawks' locker room tastes like after a big game?

Apparently, Jones Soda Co. thinks Seattle NFL fans want to know. The company started taking online pre-orders Thursday for a five-pack of sodas with flavors it says reflect the hard work of professional football players.

Clare Bowles, a spokeswoman for the Seattle-based company, said the four literally named flavors -- Dirt, Sports Cream, Perspiration and Natural Field Turf -- are "pretty lifelike."

"Perspiration Soda is kind of salty tasting," she said, with a slightly higher sodium content than the average soda, with a smooth, "stinky football sock" finish.

A sip of Sports Cream Soda conjures up the experience of rubbing ointment into an aching muscle, while Natural Field Turf Soda is like "playing tackle football, and you get tackled really hard, you're down on the ground and you get a little bit of the grass in your teeth," Bowles said.

The only sweet soda of the bunch, Sweet Victory, has a berry flavor.

Each bottle features the photo of a Seattle Seahawks player. Limited quantities of the five-pack will be sold in select stores starting Oct. 1.

In May, Jones Soda (Charts) announced it won a five-year contract to sell nonalcoholic beverages at the Seahawks' home stadium, Qwest Field, beating out The Coca-Cola Co (Charts, Fortune 500).

Bill Colin, Certified Moron

2007-10-10T09:44:00.001-04:00

From the bottom of Bill Conlin's certified moron column of the day:

From Bill Colin today:

So far, staff ace Cole Hamels has made it clear he would like to have a personal chiropractor on the road to oversee his long and complex daily stretching routine; that he won't take the ball on 3 days' rest under any circumstance or pitch in relief if the need dictates. There is no questioning his stuff or valor on the mound, but he is surrounded by red flags off it. Mr. Softee should be rewarded for his spectacular All-Star season - but only with a 1-year deal. He needs to give evidence he is not going to be the lefthanded Tyler Green.

Let’s go to the stats from the first two seasons:

Year Ag Tm  Lg  W   L   G   GS  CG SHO  IP     H    R   ER   HR  BB   SO   ERA

1995 25 PHI NL   8   9  26  25   4   2 140.7  157   86   83  15   66   85  5.31

1997 27 PHI NL   4   4  14  14   0   0  76.7   72   50   42   8   45   58  4.93

Year Ag Tm  Lg  W   L   G   GS  CG SHO  IP     H    R   ER   HR  BB   SO   ERA

2006 22 PHI NL   9   8  23  23   0   0 132.3  117   66   60  19   48  145  4.08

2007 23 PHI NL  15   5  28  28   2   0 183.3  163   72   69  25   43  177  3.39

Can hardly tell the difference other than minor categories like W-L, ERA, strikeouts, innings pitched, walks,
runs allowed, well I guess everything.  But at least Tyler Green didn’t ask for a commonly used medical
practice to keep him healthy.

How does this rambling old man still have a job?  Remember when he “broke the story” at mid-season that Rollins
was the best Phillies SS ever? Even better than Larry Bowa and his career .300 on base and .320 slugging?  
Really Bill?  Thanks for the breaking story.  How does this incoherent old man still have a job?

I'm a superstitious sports fan

2007-10-02T10:34:00.000-04:00

Over the past 23 years of not winning championships, I've formed a pattern of behaviors that I believe contribute to the successes (or lack of) of our local sports teams. This strict collection of rules to root by has been tested through trial and error since 1993, and despite the fact we haven't won anything, the losing has allowed me to tweak the system as needed. I made them official in 2005.

So here are my rules:

Superstition 1: No superstitions.

This is nearly impossible to explain, but the idea is to NOT have any superstitions because they do not affect the outcome. Basically, I must proceed as normally as possible and not change actions and decision making based on the fact there is a big game/ playoff run. This rule guides all of the others.

Rule activated: 2004

Superstition 2: No team apparel during the game.
Almost never will you catch me at s sporting event or at home watching the game in a jersey or hat. On a normal day, would I be wearing a jersey? Nope. Hat? Nope. I consider that stuff superstitious. So in keeping with Superstition 1, gear during the game IS off limits. Of course there are exceptions.

Exception: If I believe 100% that in a particular circumstance, I would wear a jersey or team shirt for reasons other than the game, then it is okay to proceed. For example, if I have no clean clothes and I happen to have a clean Sixers t-shirt, it’s fine that wear it during the game, as long as I didn’t make a conscious decision to wear it for the purpose of the game.

Rule activated: 2004

Superstition 3: No predicting the outcome before the game.
C’mon. No sports fan is willing to jinx the whole thing.

Rule activated: 1993

Superstition 4: Watch the game at home, or wherever I would normally be watching it.
If I normally watched Sixers games during the season at home, then during a playoff run I’d watch them at home. If I normally watch the Phillies game at the bar, then I’ll watch them at the bar during a big game. Home is always a safe place because 99% of the time, a large chunk of games were watched there. Special parties are frowned upon.

Rule activated: 2005

Superstition 5: No drinking during the game.
Especially Eagles games. After the game, it’s whatever.

Exception: If I would normally drink that night, it’s no problem. If I’m drinking because I’m watching the game, I’m in violation.

Rule activated: 2007

Superstition 6: If what I’m doing during the game is not helping, switch it up.
If for some reason, I’ve followed all of my rules and the game is going horribly… abandon them. Rules one is ‘no superstitions’ so I’m free to do whatever I want. If the Eagles are getting killed and I’m chilling at the house, it might be time for me to throw a jersey on and head to the sports bar.

Rule activated: 2001

Go Phils! I'm going through a lot here.

Lets knit and bake cookies

2007-09-28T00:38:00.000-04:00

Oh sports, you rock my socks. Seriously though this is a great week to be a Philly sports fan. I don't want to jinx a certain baseball team that plays in South Philly and for only 3 more games this season but they could do something they haven't done in 13 years. I saw them lose on Tuesday, missed them tie up the Mets on Thursday (watched on TV) but will get to see them play Friday and Saturday. Both pretty much must win games. I'm hoping to see them clinch something or other... don't. Want. To. Jinx.

This isn;t nearly as exciting as a possible Phillies playoff berth but I got to see a Flyers pre-season win on Wednesday. Pretty damn good seats to I must say. I would hope so because they are a doctors season tickets. Bitch best have some good seats.

Fun fact: I caught a puck with me teeth and I saw two capitals players make out on the kiss cam. It was hottttttt.

I'm not going to get to witness this game in person but the Iggles are playing the New York jerkoffs, also known as the giants. Obviously any time there is division play its going to be a good game, especially with the Giants since they think they actually got a shot at winning. All because the beat the Skins. Assholes... although B-Dawk and Westbrook are banged up. No difference says I. I'm gettin shitty either way... might poop my pants from being so drunk... we'll see.

Balki B

2007-09-27T14:39:00.000-04:00

There's no way I can express in words how funny this sh*t is:

What a creepy kid

2007-09-19T21:17:00.000-04:00

I'm booooooored

2007-09-19T20:47:00.000-04:00

I've been having a little problem lately and no it is not erectile dysfunction. I've been taking pills for that for months now and can get semi-regular boners. My problem is that I'm bored. Bored of everything. I'm bored of work, going out, going to the gym, running, TV, the Internet, any hobbies I have, playing the drums, everything. I need a new fuckin' Hobie or just something new in my life.

The only thing that I have actually been looking forward to is a change in the seasons. Maybe I can take up rock climbing or bear wrestling, anything outside where I can get in touch with nature maybe? I dont know. Maybe I should do more drugs and just space out instead of dealing with it. Actually, thats a damn good idea except that it would hurt my wallet a little too much.

Well, if anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear them. Seriously anything. Even bullshit ones like ceramics or getting in touch with my emotions, all welcomed. It's too bad no one ever reads this shit or maybe I'd get some comments. Fuckin' communists.

I need money

2007-09-18T15:16:00.000-04:00

Over the last 4 days I've spent money on:

A 32 inch HDTV (I smile every time I look at it, worth it)
Cable Box and HDTV channels
HD cables for my XBOX (just for Madden)
Friday Night Lights Season 1 DVD (1/2 off the original price)
"Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie for Theaters for DVD"DVD
Chamillionaire's Ultimate Victory (impulse purchase)
Clothes (why i stopped going to the mall w/ chicks in the first place)
Bottle service at the club (at least I split this cost 3 ways)
.70 cents in errant text messages (1 to a coworker :(
Received 3 parking tickets (two were bullsh*t too)
20 bucks in parking
40 dollars in gas
2 nice dinners for 2 (worth it)
6 hours worth of food and beer at the sports bar (not worth it)
a load of Rockstar Energy drinks
Bottles of tequila and vodka (always worth it)
a sh*tload of cold medicine (a result of all of the above probably)
and 2 birthday cards

Sigh. Once fall officially hits, I'm done spending. Unless anyone wants to make a donation.
Of course you do. I'll set up a paypal account.

Clark, the canadian hockey goalie

2007-09-15T21:28:00.000-04:00

This is good shit. Check it.

http://attaboy.ca/archives/2007/02/000986.php

Take a hike summer

2007-09-15T18:51:00.000-04:00

I love this time of the year. I get to wear the same pair of jeans for a month straight and no one even knows.

I get to wear bulky sweatshirts that make my already impressive physique look that much larger and awe inspriring.

I get to wear wool hats, which is good because i look like a badass with that shit pulled all low on my eyes. Old ladies have been known to think about possibly crossing the street when they see me coming.

I get to drink hot chocolate in the morning. I like hot chocolate.

I get to sleep with three blankets on me but still wear shorts.

I get to watch football again and get ready for postseason baseball.

I get to check out all the ladies in thier winter wear. I dig that shit. I really do.

And probably the best part is that halloween is right around the corner which means hay rides, chicks dressing in naughty nurse/cop/teacher/librarian/nun/construction worker/plumber/mortition, pumkin carving and drinking. There isn't really anything special about the drinking but i just enjoy it.

Now that I got all that out, fuck you summer.

The funniest video ever recorded!

2007-09-11T21:20:00.000-04:00

Wowzers. If you dont laugh at this "guy" then you dont have a funny bone. Best line: "If you mess with Britney, you mess with me." Really strikes the fear of God into you.

The "stop Aaron from bitching" post

2007-09-10T23:59:00.000-04:00

I'm only posting something so Aaron stops coming up to me in the hallways begging to post on this damn blog. He begs for me to blog and then begs for my kisses. He's gay if no one knew. Just kidding... as far as I know. Here's some random media!!!!!

Random shooting and one dumb girl who decides to run toward the gunfire.

This lady actually makes Britney seem like a good parent.
http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video....mom.train.cnn

This guy is ok. It looks like he went splat but i promise he is fine. Just kidding, he's in a hundred pieces.
http://www.filecabi.net/video/luke46463.html

I'll try and keep up with ya Aaron but I gurantee nothing. Maybe even next time my post wont just be shit I found on the interweb. Maybe

The weekly "Aaron's still here post"

2007-09-10T11:46:00.000-04:00

I have a mosquito bite on the inside of my thigh. How the f*ck does that happen? I don't even wear shorts. It's annoying as hell, like all mosquito bites, and there's something about scratching around your groin that appears to others as totally dirtbagish.

But of course, I can't really be mad at the mosquito for attempting to get so close to the goods.

Signing out while sinking with the ship that is this blog,
Aaron

2007-09-06T13:51:00.001-04:00

http://www.naturesongs.com/cricket1.wav

I'm only good for posting videos at this point

2007-08-28T17:07:00.000-04:00

Enjoy.

Until this place picks back up, you can find me at www.aaronlikespopcorn.blogspot.com

What the F happened to the blog?

2007-08-23T17:33:00.001-04:00

I'm in tears with laughter

2007-08-10T16:57:00.000-04:00

David Caruso fans:

I'm freaking out man!

2007-08-09T15:46:00.000-04:00

Here is something I posted on my short lived blog spaztown.blogspot.com, which I just looked at for the first time months. Enjoy.

The McGurk effect is the following - your brain knows that to make the letter 'b', you need to close your mouth. So, if you see a video of someone saying "da da da" but super-impose an audio track of someone saying "ba ba ba", your brain will not let you hear the "b" sound. It sounds more like "da" or maybe "tha".... but definately not "ba". But if you close your eyes and listen, it's definitely "ba". Insane!!! I don't know if I can trust my brain ever again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFPtc8BVdJk

So I was too cheap to replace my air conditioner this summer

2007-08-07T21:21:00.001-04:00

I am a F*CKING IDIOT.

I love maps

2007-08-06T10:57:00.000-04:00

I'm a big fan of maps and have spent the last 20 minutes on this incredible site. Some of the maps are educational, some weird, some humorous, and others are just weird.

Here's one breaking down America's baseball fandom:

Here's a cool subway map of Internet trends:

And how one man feels America should be divided:

Nice to mole you, er, meet you

2007-07-24T23:59:00.000-04:00

Just about everyday after work I do the same routine. Go to the gym, come home, eat massive amount of food, let massive amount of said food settle in my wasteland called a stomach, run on the treadmill for a little bit, shower, relax, and sleep. Sometimes I'll throw in some other stuff like look at porn or hit the heavy bag but that's my basic routine. Not tonight though. I come home, eat, decide to lay in my room for a little bit wishing there was some concert I was going to before running. Instead at 8:30 I fell asleep and didn't wake up till 11:45. And you know what? It felt great. So great I felt like blogging about it.

On another note: I saw the Police at Citizens Bank Park last Thursday. Despite my sister and I only being able to name about 7 songs before the concert started, it rocked. We both turned out to know more then 7 songs. More like all but 3. All in all and pretty good time.

More entertaining then the actual concert were the people there watching it. We had fanny pack, who had everything imaginable inside of that thing. Someone needed scissors? He had 'em. Band aid? Bingo. 3 foot tall bong? Surprisingly yes!

My favorite were the 2 Asian couples in front of us though. Some how through the concert their seating arrangement had changed and the women sat on one side and the guys on the other. Well this gave the one broad an opportunity to show her dance moves to the kid next to her. She kept doing this weird sway thing where she would rub against him. This kid had zero interest in punky bruster 07' though. We laughed.

She wasn't the worst of the two though. Her friend had a giant mole on her arm. Like a 4" diameter. This isn't too bad I suppose except it also had 4" long hairs coming out of it. And I don't mean like 4 or 5 or even 20, it was like it had a head of hair! I think when she got ready to go out that night she actually parted it to one side. I wish my sisters pic she took with her phone came out better but unfortunately, it didn't. Just take my word, it made my balls shiver.

Well, I'm drinking some chocolate milk with a spoon and heading to bed.

Who wants to be freaked out for the rest of the day?

2007-07-24T18:06:00.000-04:00

Hey babe, whats your sign?

2007-07-23T20:36:00.000-04:00

This is something I probably shouldn't admit to but I feel like everyone who reads what the f has the right to know about it. It is so shocking it is going to blow your little minds. The fact is, I lack game. Thats right, game. I don't know what it is but I just don't have it when I talk to the lady folks. Maybe its because I dont have any good opening lines or perhaps its because I don't have very good conversational skills. Maybe its because I like to smell womens hair and tell them it would make for a great doll. Who knows? I guess after God gave me the good looks and adonis like physique he felt no man could be so perfect and gave me this weakness. Nah, that can't be it because the first two traits were lies. ALL LIES!

So what is it? You people have hung out with me at the bars, what do I do wrong? Aside from the obvious stuff like my face, hygiene, non matching clothes, not having a surfer body, and shoving large amounts of food in my face at one time, there has to be something that can be fixed. Well, I dont know what it is. Maybe I should just roll on top of women and start making out with them. Actually, that sounds like a good opener. Maybe to seal the deal I'll quote the Simpsons for an hour. Perfect.

If someone has any advice they would like to throw my way feel free. If its good enough I'll let you watch me try and throw game with it.

Celebrity Dog-Fighting Championships

2007-07-20T13:45:00.000-04:00

Check it out here:

http://aaronlikespopcorn.blogspot.com/

(Sorry, I was too lazy to post it both places)

Top 10 stand up comics

2007-07-15T23:46:00.000-04:00

These top 10 comics that I've listed are the comics that , at this moment, make me laugh the most. Obviously it can change easily and regularly. Also notice that a lot of big name comics are left off, like: Rodney Dangerfield, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld, etc. As great as they are thier standup doesn't quite do it for me. Well, anyway, here is it:

10.Patton Oswalt
9.Dave Chappelle
8.Dave Attel
7.Sam Kinison
6.Dane Cook
5.Jim Gaffigan
4.Chris Rock
3.Norm MacDonald
2.Mitch Hedberg
1.Bill Hicks

Clearly the most accuarate list ever made.

He waited in line how long?

2007-07-15T23:37:00.000-04:00

http://www.willitblend.com/videos.as...e&video=iphone

By any chance does someone know John Street's email so I can send him this? I think he would get a kick out of it.

Truman Show? Not Quite. EdTV? Nah

2007-07-13T10:46:00.000-04:00

But this dude is filming himself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the quest to... count to a million.

http://www.millioncount.com/

Check out the live feed, it's unbearable and addictive at the same time.

It's in his jeans

2007-07-13T10:07:00.001-04:00

"Won't bind your legs"

Don't you be talkin bout my Esposa.

2007-07-12T16:18:00.000-04:00

Unintentional comedy was on display today when boxer Hector Mayorga, err Mayorga's English interpreter, made a remark about opponent Fernando Vargas' wife during a press conference. As Mayorga's interpreter was restating the line in English about Vargas' woman, Mayorga took a swing at his opponent. It's all here on the video. It gets good at about the 4 1/2 minute mark.

The best thing about this incident has to be the awkwardness of the interpreter, who had to shit-talk another man's wife, a boxer's wife mind you, right to his face. If you were Vargas, do you go after the interpreter, too? If you're the interpreter, do you even say it? Do you tell your Spanish-speaking friend "I can't say that one, buddy." Being an interpreter is not an easy job, and today's event certainly proved that.

If I'm not mistaken, the last time Mayorga mentioned an opponent's wife (Mrs. Oscar De la Hoya), he got his ass kicked in the ring.

Raping the 80s

2007-07-10T16:09:00.001-04:00

I would never normally throw the word rape around... but sh*t is getting serious.

Oh yeah, I'll most definitely be first in line though. Hopefully wearing the hoodie that Alvin is rocking in that poster. Seriously.

What's going on with the hip hop vibe though? Are they going to be rappers (ugh). Washed up rappers (Simon is looking real Run DMC-ish)? For a second I thought the poster said "They're black & bigger than ever."

At least Jason Lee is in it. And the Chippettes better be in it, they were fine (they were 18 right?)

Transformers was apparently pretty good, so I'll give this the benefit of the doubt... unlike that Underdog movie dropping this year.

Whiskey- the Audible Killer

2007-06-25T10:17:00.000-04:00

So this weekend I picked up an acquaintance of mine from a bar on the way to a party and said acquaintance was, shall we say, a little riled up. As in, on the way from the car to the party, she was telling a story at such a volume that we had to stop outside the party to complete it, at which point one of my work colleagues arriving at the party tried to slip past us into the house unnoticed because, and I quote "it looked like she was giving you the business."

Anyway, the next day I asked the aforementioned acquaintance what she had ordered at the bar and she said "it was called a 'Lynchburg Lemonade'- it had triple sec, vodka and....I think Jack Daniels?" And suddenly it all made sense.

So this experience got me thinking about a good story from my (legendary) college days that gives some insight into the auditory power of my good friend whiskey:

Sophomore year, in the dead of freezing Massachusetts winter, me and two of my buddies developed a habit once or twice a week of buying a bottle of Jim Beam and never leaving the dorm that night, instead loudly arguing late into the night about absolutely nothing and blacking out. Example: After one such night, I was in class the next morning (ok, the next afternoon) with a girl that lived at the far end of the hall and she says to me, flatly: "wow, you guys sure disagree about Jay-Z." To which I replied "huh?" and found out that we spent the hour and a half between 1 and 2:30 arguing about Jay-Z loudly enough that the entire dorm heard. Now I don't have a particular problem arguing about something at extreme volume for an hour and a half, and I know my two buddies certainly didn't, but I also know that I don't have any great feeling one way or the other about Jay-Z- so I thought I would run a little experiment and asked both of my friends the next day what they thought about Jay-Z. Appropriate responses given the circumstances would have included:

a) I adore Jay-Z and fully support his self-proclaimed status as "best rapper alive"
b) I hate Jay-Z, and consider him more overrated than Saddam Hussein's capacity to produce and distribute weapons of mass destruction (which was very topical at the time)
c) hey jackass, we spent two hours last night debating Jay-Z, what a dumb effing question

Naturally, the identical response I got from both of them was: "(shrug), he's allright."

Apparently, whiskey makes people feisty.

Seacrest out.

Pertty good week

2007-06-20T21:34:00.000-04:00

I have to say, I've had a pretty good week so far. Lets start from the beginning. That's right, not the middle, not the end, but the beginning. Which was Thursday the 14th.

Thursday morning, bright and early. Well, maybe not that early it was 9 o'clock but still, early enough. Anyway, at 9 I had my annual review. And it went well. I gots paid mothaf@$kers! I got a nice raise and rubbed it in every ones face. This was followed by the only bad thing all week. I was suppose to be off every Friday in June but was told I somehow messed up and now have no Fridays off. Not even the day I had tickets to the Phillies afternoon game. Which reminds me, anyone want want tickets to see the Phils vs. Mets?

Back to the good shit. That night myself and some co-workers (to those reading this, hi co-workers) went out for my birthday and $1 tacos. Overall good time. I got to drink a 40 for the first time in years. Nothing really crazy happened though, so no good stories. Unless you consider me home in bed by 12 to be cooky. You do? Well your boring.

Friday to Saturday is my favorite weekend of the year. My family reunion in Wildwood crest. There was over 208 Jmoney relatives in one spot. Half of which I couldn;t even name. Does it matter? No. I still stayed up till 5 in the morning drinking with anyone who was awake. You might be saying 5 isn't really that late and I would normally agree except I had to be up at 6 to go golfing. I'm a terrible golfer so this wasn;t all that fun. I couldn't get back to the hotel and start drinking again soon enough. We got back around 1 and I finished my case of old man beer at 2 (thats high life). How could this be? I only drank for 3 hours the night before and no one else drank this shit. Do I drink this much when we go out? Somethings off here.

I guess that's really it. Throw in some horseshoes, hanging out with my immediate family, milkshakes and more beer and you have my Thursday to Wednesday.

I only came home today because I think I might have to work on Friday. And after that its right back down the shore. Holy shit do I hate the city in the summer. Name me one good reason to be here besides going to work, which isn't good but necessary. Oh, that's right. You can't jerk. Fuck you Philly.

Here's me with a 40

Vote Pacman Jones in '08

2007-06-20T17:29:00.001-04:00

At this point, I think I want to get his jersey.

Videos good. Thinking of stuff to write about bad.

2007-06-03T23:14:00.000-04:00

Yup. Nothing to talk about but I have stumbled upon some good videos that I feel the world should see. That's right, the whole world. Except the girl in the cube next to me. She is not aloud. Enjoy.

This kid is my hero. I hope my nephew turns out this cool.

As a drummer this sort of thing happens to me regularly. Its honestly not a big deal. Those damn kids just act like a bunch of pussies. Pussies says I!

I don't have sh*t to post about, so I'll just ramble

2007-05-24T15:13:00.000-04:00

It's already May 24th and its not unofficially summertime. Obviously I know summer beings in June, but its not officially unofficially summertime til I hear "Summertime" by the almighty DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.

How is possible that Red Bull tastes better after it's mixed with vodka?

I was disappointed by the last few minutes of 2 different season finales this week, 24 and Lost. Why did 24 go off at 9:55 (real-life time)? Its like they ran out of things to cover at 9:45, stalled until 9:55, and then ended the episode providing us with 5 minutes of commercials. Sh*t could of just went off at 9:45 but Jack still had a few minutes left in his "24 hours". I don't think he's peed or eaten all season so they should have ended with him making a grilled cheese sandwich or something. And Lost? Won't even get into it. (Yeah TV is serious for me, I'm a dweeb.)

I don't know who else cares that may be reading this, but how great was it to see the Boston Celtics fall to fifth in the draft lottery? That's karma for tanking the whole second half of the season.

I think I'll take this opportunity to bless you guys with some of my favorite youtube uhhh... favorites:

Nerf Basketball Dunk Contest: Part 1 and Part 2
DESTRO featuring The Baroness- "Get Money" MUSIC VIDEO (80s cartoon fans)
Jack Bauer "24" Dammit! Montage
Shaq cursing on live TV... and doesn't care
ESPN SportsCenter Big Buddy Commercial
The Kevin Hart scene from the 40 Year Old Virgin

I'll leave it there for now.

Whoops a doodle

2007-05-23T11:00:00.000-04:00

Who says is golf isn't a dangerous sport?

FALLBROOK, Calif. - A golfer died Tuesday after his golf cart plunged 75 feet off a cliff and crashed onto a road below, authorities said.

The 65-year-old man teed off with three friends on the second hole of the Pala Mesa Resort Golf Course about 50 miles north of San Diego at around 10 a.m. and then got into his cart.

The vehicle veered off the concrete pathway, traveled down a 25-foot embankment and went over the edge of the cliff, California Highway Patrol spokesman Tom Kerns said.

The victim, a recently retired real estate agent from Irvine, was ejected shortly before the cart hit the road beneath the cliff and died on impact, Kerns said. His name was not immediately released.

No one else was involved in the crash.

Investigators will inspect the golf cart for mechanical failures, Kerns said. Drugs or alcohol were not thought to have been factors in the crash.

Yo girl you like horses?

2007-05-20T10:02:00.000-04:00

I feel obligated to post about my first, and last, trip to Preakness in Baltimore on Saturday. Wow, what a drunken mess. I had always heard that Preakness attracts the most white-trash of the three Triple Crown races, but the amount of hicks there this year blew my mind. It's important to note that I was in the infield, where young people go to waste away their soberness and money. Think of it as the Tweeter Center lawn, only alot more peeps. Real people with big hats actually get seats inside the race track, where they can see an entire race.

The day started out with an 8:00 a.m. school bus ride down to Baltimore. By the time we arrived at Pimlico Race Course around 11ish, most of the 15 or so of us were sloppy, if not drunk. Keg in the back mixed with some tunes made for a fun ride.

The scene when you arrive is surreal. For one day a year, tens of thousands of people descend on this part of town for a race that lasts less than two minutes. That and the all-day drink fest that preceeds the big race. The course is surrounded by projects, and the people who live there are prepared to take advantage of this day. From their yards, they sell hot dogs, burgers, crab cakes (it's Maryland), ribs, wings, and their bathrooms to passing pedestrians. Little neighborhood kids are making money by using shopping carts to carry cases of beer for those who have a long walk to the infield.

Once you enter the infield, you set up shop, continue drinking and try to catch a glimpse of the other races going on before the big one. To summarize, you drink, you pee, you bet, you eat a $6 slice of pizza, repeat cycle.

By far, the most entertaining part of the infield is watching people attempt to run across the tops of rows of port-o-potties, aka johnnies on the spot, without falling or getting nailed with cans of beer. It's hard to describe. So picture people trying to run a across a row of logs on water, only it's the tops of portable bathrooms. Meanwhile, they are slipping every step and ducking beer cans thrown at them. I witnessed one broken nose and several other hard falls. The best part- security kicks you out even if you somehow make it across. I didn't attempt to play this game.

As for my day, I drank alot, made fun of alot of people but avoided fighting, won one bet (a small one at that), and left before Preakness even went down. Certainly an experience, but not one I would ever do again. Also, I was blasted in the ear with a day old "soft" pretzel and now I can't sleep on my right side because it hurts too much. This year's Preakness drew a record crowd of 121,263 and I'm proud to say I was a part of it. Not really though.

In keeping with the mortal kombat theme

2007-05-16T11:32:00.000-04:00

Watch this and tell me don't feel awful for laughing:

FATALITY

Mortal Kombat!

2007-05-14T20:57:00.000-04:00

I was listening to my usual 20 minutes of the always hilarious Preston and Steve Morning Show today and heard the tale of the long-time Villanova student known as Mendel Doug. Apparently, he is a maniac who walks around campus with a Star Wars-esque light saber and, as seen in the video, other plastic weapons that probably hurt when you get hit with them. Let me just say that this guy is awesome.

I immediately e-mailed my Nova alum friend who further confirmed his existence. Callers in to the show said he hangs out in Sea Isle too. Which means, if I see Mendel Doug out in SIC this summer, I am going to challenge him. Hopefully, I will fare better than this guy did. Although, according to my friend, Mendel Doug is a rugby player. So he will most likely beast me. But what I lack in strength I make up for in speed, meaning I will run away when he goes all Luke Skywalker on my ass. JMoney, we have to find this guy.

Speaking of rugby, for the second time in my life I was at a bar this weekend full of women rugby players. Now I'm not one to stereotype but I didn't have to. They were manning it up aka making out like drunken men right in front me. Oh those silly women rugby players.

The man unmasked

2007-05-14T16:26:00.000-04:00

I thought since not everyone has seen what Tone Loc looks like in person I would throw his pic up here for all to see. Handsome aye?

Don't call her pale!

2007-05-14T11:41:00.000-04:00

I'm going to try and make this quick instead of dragging it out and being as boring as a post made by flip flop girl. Here goes.

Last week me, unusual suspect, flip flop and someone who doesn't have a blog, thus no name, went out to a work event with free drinks (why else would we go ya mook?) after drinking for free for a couple hours there we went to McGillans and had some $5 pitchers and watched the funniest kareoke performace of "eight days a week", possible ever.

So we leave McGillans when the suggestion of going to Bump comes up. Bumps a gay bar. Earlier in the night when this first came up it was a solid no from me. Now I said sure, what the fuck. It doesn't actually make me gay. Does it?!?!? So were walking there when some gay dude says to unusual, "Ew, look how pale she is." This isn't exactly an earthshattering thing to say but I didnt like how he said it and that he was just bein a fuckin dick. So I did what any drunk guy does, start yellin shit and hope for a fight. It didnt happen, which is good because I would have caved his face in with this shit (points to fist).

Bottom line: Don't call unusal suspect pale motherfucka

I'm here for the gangbang

2007-05-14T11:19:00.000-04:00

I gotta say, looking back this past weekend wasn't too shabby. Not the best weekend ever but not the worse. Two Phillies games, two W's. Friday was actually the first time to a game this year in my regular seats. Regular seats meaning I bought about nine games worth off of a buddy with season tickets. I gotta say, premo seats and the best part about them is that they were close but we still had shelter from the rain and did not get a single drop of rain on us. All in all, good time. So, to all the people who had other plans and didn't want to come, you missed out.

Saturday after the game I ventured into olde city for Tone Loc's birthday. $2 drafts and some kid I dont know tearin up the dance floor were obvious highlights. Apparently it was lesbian night but I missed all that action. And since I didn't get out till late, and the night was young, i called up a friend of mine and hung out with her and her boyfriend till 8am. I was afraid it would be weird just the three of us hangin out but it wasn't. I guess thats obvious since we were up till 8 and they let me crash on their couch. Being a third wheel is actually becoming a talent of mine. I can think of four couples I've hung out with in the last month where it was only mildly awkward. Usually because I would suggest having a threesome, followed by demanding a threesome and finally having my own threesome with both my hands.

All in all, an OK weekend.

Marines in Afghanistan

2007-05-06T23:35:00.001-04:00

I dont agree or disagree w/ it, but it's some real sh*t.

*Contains strong language

Geezus, the 80s

2007-04-30T11:13:00.000-04:00

Alfonso Ribeiro of all people.

Jmoney's softer side

2007-04-24T22:44:00.000-04:00

Its been awhile since I've posted, and for good reason. I have nothing to write about. Nothing I wanna talk about with you jerks anyway so don't expect anything juicy in this post. So here goes some randomness.

Some people may think that my musical taste is only limited to the heavier side of rock. You my friend, are an idiot. I like all kinds of music and to demonstrate here are my two current favorite acoustic songs.

Hey there Delilah- Plain white T's
I think I first heard this song about two months ago on the ole satellite radio but always forgot to download it and put it on the mp3. That is until last week. Now I listen to it way to much and wish I could sing even the slightest bit. I can't. But I still pretend.

Nutshell- Alice in chains
This song is old. Like 1990 old. But I hadn't heard it in a long while until recently and you know what? I dig the shit outta it. Knowing that just about all of AIC songs are about heroin and what Layne Stayley was going through makes it that much better. R.I.P.
I couldn't find a real video of this unfortunately because the recorded version is much better but with this unplugged version you get to see Layne on heroin as he sings about heroin. sweet? No. Fun fact about the unplugged performance: Layne was so fucked up they had to perform every song 3-4 times.Ouch

This isn't a song I just started listening to regularly, its actually one of my favorite songs, so I'm throwing it in. Got beef? Try and do something about it. Yea, that's what I though tough guy. So here's Nothingman- Pearl Jam

Murder in the Make Believe Ballroom

2007-04-18T23:22:00.000-04:00

It's the Roc... and Goulet.

Classic Ferrell (and frequent Philadelphia Daily News coverboy Beanie Sigel):

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Southern Hospitality

2007-04-12T17:30:00.000-04:00

I spent my weekend (plus two vacation days) in good ole Nashville, Tennessee surprising my boy for his birthday. (The airport smells like BBQ).

In between the flea market shopping for grills, dodging the ever present country music, and enjoying the ridiculously high 9.35% sales tax (geezus, I would never by anything of value there), me and 45 of my buddy's closest friends had the pleasure of riding a Party Bus aka Crunk on Wheels.

The level of absurdity and potential for debauchery related to this bus is what made the trip appealing in the first place, and it did not disappoint. This Double Decker BYOB on wheels came complete with stripper poles (minus strippers... well, until alcohol kicked in), a DJ (who was a 40 plus year old mother), two huge coolers, a dance floor, and of course a gift shop stocked with ring pops (among other ridiculous products.

I don't know if they have these in Philly (I've never seen one), but I feel like we need to look into it.

By about the third time they played "Throw Some Ds on It" I realized we were on a f*cking BYOB double decker tour bus with a DJ and a dance floor, look out the window, and get flashed by a couple of portly women.

The bus drops the group at a bar, we get thrown out after 30 minutes, hop back on the bus, and continue through downtown Nashville. By the end of the night, alcohol and motion sickness made for a hell of combination which could only be made better by adding Jack in the Box to the mix. End of the night and you'll look like this guy (me).

Side note: apparently you can drink alcohol in a car in Tennessee, as long as you aren't the driver. That's ridiculously dumb.

Students at the graduate programs (Law school and medical school included) at the Harvard of the South, know how to show folks a good time.

And now, enjoy some incredible beer pong:

Battle of the douchebags!

2007-04-06T14:37:00.000-04:00

Both of these guys are scumbags which just makes this that much funnier. O'Reilly's vein in his forhead looks like its going to burst all over Geraldo's porn stach.

Alanis Morissette "My Humps" video

2007-04-02T17:44:00.000-04:00

Yeah, speaks for itself.

Going from the US to London? Then get your goggles homey.

2007-03-29T22:18:00.000-04:00

I mean, that's what Google is saying.

"Google, either encouraging physical fitness or zero population growth, offers the above helpful suggestion when mapping the route from Chicago to London." - Upgrade: Travel Better

I'm not trying to get political, but this is funny

2007-03-21T17:52:00.000-04:00

Any thoughts?

My Brush With the Law

2007-03-20T09:45:00.000-04:00

Assorted thoughts from my virgin Jury Duty experience yesterday:

The metal detector line is intense (25 minutes) and they make everyone turn in their cellphones and put them in a lock box. No cell phones all day. It was kind of nice, except when they let us out for lunch and told us to be back at two and I had no clue what time it was the whole time and ended up coming back like a half hour early to avoid getting thrown in jail or something.

The first place you go is called the "jury assembly room" where they take your subpoena (it says "summons" on the card they send you but they insist on calling it a subpoena as if you have done something wrong) and i think throw it into one of those big lottery mixers, cause they start randomly calling people 40 at a time. I was in there for a couple hours, sitting amongst maybe 500 people I had never seen before, and yet there were these pockets of people chatting it up with their friends. I have two explanations for this:

Some people were clearly assigned with their friends, as they were talking about a party they had both been to and all the things that "Scott" and "Frank" had done
As for the others- do you remember in high school whenever you would randomly be in a setting with kids from others schools, how the cool kids would somehow magnetically gravitate towards each other and be making fun of everyone else within the first 15 minutes? It's kind of like a grown up version of that. Um, not that I wasn't cool in high school or anything.

They give you a little questionnaire about whether you can be a fair juror, and one of the questions on it is "would you be more inclined to believe the testimony of a police officer just because of his or her job?" This one totally fooled me- I figured they wanted me to answer yes? I'm still a little baffled. So I glance over at the questionnaire of the platinum dye job lady next to me, and she went with no, but does it make me a bad person that I happened to notice that her "have you ever been convicted of a crime" answer was yes? I'm guessing drugs. If you had seen her face, you would understand. Anyway a little instructional video that comes on a good 45 minutes after you have filled out the form informed me that the judge specifically instructs you not to believe the testimony of a police officer any more or less because of their job, and the question is whether that is a problem for you. But I had already written the wrong answer with one of those golf pencils onto that carbon paper that makes like 4 copies, so there was no turning back. I figured best case scenario it would disqualify me.

Finally, I get the call into the courtroom. We arrive and the judge is just hanging out cracking jokes with the bailiff, reading us a little speech about what an important part we serve in the legal process. Meanwhile the defendant and his comb-over public defender are quite possibly peeing themselves. Before turning it over to the prosecutor, the judge goes over the charges- Armed robbery and weapons possession with a side of criminal consipiracy. Victim less crimes if you ask me but it wasn't looking great for our defendant.

The judge turns it over to the prosecutor who may or may not have been older than me, but definitively could not remember her opening line, got the date of the "alleged" crime wrong, and could not pronounce the names of her first two witnesses. Going for her, however, were the fact that the victim, several eyewitnesses, and no fewer than 12 cops were lined up to testify. Comb-over public defender stood up and named the guy's sister, uncle Johnny, and some girl named Kim as his witnesses. Credit to Lynne Abraham for sending in the C-team on this one, Ryan Moats will do when your offensive line is 12 cops blocking Kimmy from the block.

I was in the second group of jurors and happily, my questioning never came- we were taken to another room and informed by the bailiff mid-afternoon that the defendant had "taken the negotiation offered to him" which I suspect means we will not be hearing from him for a while.

They let us go and paid us $9. Yup, $9.

Overall I give it 2 1/2 stars and would recommend to anyone who hates going to work. Keep your eyes peeled for your very own summons!

Sheeeiiiit, I'm actually excited about this

2007-03-19T21:49:00.000-04:00

After you watch this trailer, you will be too... unless you hate Earth.

Planet Earth (in hi-definition) - Premiering March 25 @ 8:00 pm on The Discovery Channel

This show apparently took 5 years to make, and it looks like it was worth it.

Welcome to the Grindhouse

2007-03-18T19:00:00.000-04:00

I'm looking pretty damn forward to this Tarantino/Rodriguez double feature flick. More so for the Rodriguez part. Hot chicks with machine gun legs equals all about it. I do like the idea of Tarantino directing Snake Pliskan but I'm not getting much about the movie from that trailer except he drives a car. Fast. Let me know what ya think and when you wanna go see it.

You bet your ascot friday I'm still alive

2007-03-14T20:16:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, Jmoney appeared before me sobbing, claiming I don't post on glorious What the F anymore. After I slapped him in the nipple area, I promised a return similar to that of the Ultimate Warrior during the main event at Wrestlemania 8...or 7 or 6 or even 9. Hell I don't remember. But return I did, with absolutely nothing important to say. So without Freddy Adu, my thoughts on life (basically sports and things that make me laugh).

First, as any normal human being or mammal including dolphins knows, March Madness is upon us. The NC double A tournament begins March 15 and I, like many young men, am gearing for non-stop basketball and countless trips to the bathroom. I filled out my brackets and my big upset in round one is New Mexico State beating Texas. Silly, you say right? Texas has the best player in the nation. Well, you're probably correct. But after Deadspin revealed this fun factoid about NMS's fans, I decided it would be delightful to cheer them on. After all, I'm going to rip up my bracket after the first weekend anyway. It's madness baby.

Next on the agenda is Pete Rose. He apparently admitted to betting on the Reds...while he was managing them! (exclamation point for dramatic effect) I don't know what to believe here. Maybe's he's out to write another book and get out of gambling debt. Maybe he truly is sorry and wants baseball to lift the lifetime ban it imposed on him. Whatever the case, Charlie Hustle was awesome and he has Tone Loc's vote in the 2008 presidential election- Caveman Party.

Lastly, I leave you with the photo of the day. Part NBA player, part pornstar, part crustache model.

And really lastly, I just got a call from a dame at Tiki Bob's who probably has large breasts. Said dame informed me of a free happy hour on April 6. I won't be there because Tiki Bob's is scary, but you get in for free if you say my real name, which of course is Anthony Loc. Have fun with all the Brooklyn blowouts.

Happy steak and BJ day!

2007-03-14T16:18:00.000-04:00

I just heard about this holiday right now, unfortunately at the end of the day which probably isn't enough time to have it executed. Oh well. This is more for you woman that read this with a significant other.

This is the men's equivalent to valentines day. Steak and BJ day. Just like it says ladies. No cards. No gifts. No bullshit. Right to point this holiday is. I like steak so lets eat it. I like BJ's, so do it. Sounds like the best holiday ever to me.

So if you love your man, practice this holiday. He'll probably like it even more if you do this because chances are that he hasn't heard about it so it'll be a nice surprise. Just think how he surprised you on V-day last month.

Song of the Week

2007-03-09T17:17:00.000-05:00

Brought to you by Condoleeza Rice.

"Condolicious"

http://thedooryard.typepad.com/the_dooryard/2007/02/condolicious.html

"The Greatest Rapper of All-Time died on March 9th"

2007-03-09T12:13:00.000-05:00

That is a debatable statement but there are legions of rap fans that believe it to be true. 10 years ago today, the Notorious B.I.G. aka Biggie Smalls aka Big aka Frank White aka Big Poppa aka Christopher Wallace was killed in LA at 24 years old.

Biggie's first album, 1994's Ready to Die, will always remain as my number 2 album of all-time. That album contained some of the foulest, most depressing lyrics I have ever heard to this day, along with some of the greatest feel-good songs, and it set the precedent for how to make a rap album after its release.

I don't have time to do anymore than this, but I just wanted to put something up.

RIP - Notorious B.I.G.
^ AOL tribute video

A post

2007-03-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

I don't have anything to post about I just want my bad kissing post to not be at the top anymore.

So how about that teacher that was banging her retarded student? Luckiest kid ever right?

I forget how everyone found out about it but apparently this kid was actually smart and didn't tell anyone and even denied it. And he's a retard! Why are the other kids of normal intelligence so stupid? I blame our public school programs.

The biggest loser

2007-03-01T10:03:00.001-05:00

This might actually be a somewhat embarrassing post but you know what? I'm going to make it anyway just so everyone can laugh at me.

Basically my girlfriend told me something the other night. Something kind of weird. It all starts out about three months ago or so. She told me that I was kissing weird. I thought, "OK this is how I always do it but if you don't like it I'll switch it up. Thanks for the tip." Fast-forward to this past Wednesday, her birthday no less, where she tells me this: "You've been kissing differently lately." At first I didn't know what the hell she was talking about but then it clicked in my head about what she said. "Remember you pretty much told me you didn't like the way I kiss? We'll I changed it up." I said. " We'll this is worse. Go back to the old way."

I'm not really sure how to feel about this. Well I know its not good but should I feel like a horrible kissing loser? Should I assume she is comparing me to someone else now? Should I really have posted about this? Meh, I don't care. All I had to do was drop the new shit and go back to the classics... wow am I a loser.

21 chances to sit home scratching my balls

2007-02-27T20:32:00.000-05:00

Last week, Friday I believe, I found out what should have been good news: I have 21 days off remaining in this fiscal year. Sounds great right? Not so fast! The fiscal year is over on June 30th and I can't take time off for most of May.

I'm still going to get some of these days off here and there, plus I get to transfer five of them into next year, but honestly I don't think I can take 21 days off over 4 months. I don't even really need them. Why take 21 days off? I gots shit to do at work mothafuckas.

So here is the deal: hows bout anyone reading this suggests a day I can take off along with a reason. Then once I get all of these great ideas I will fill out a time off form with said suggestions. Its so obvious. Why didn't I do this last year? Oh yea, I'm an idiot.

p.s.- If your idea involves travel or spending money of any kind go right ahead. I'm loaded!

Flying kites is hardcore

2007-02-27T20:24:00.000-05:00

I just found this article and thought that it was in-fucking-sane... but then kinda funny at how absurd the whole thing really is. They're kites for Christs sake!

LAHORE, Pakistan -- An annual kite festival Sunday in eastern Pakistan has left at least 11 people dead. Officials said two died after their throats were cut by metal kite strings. Kite flyers often use string made of wire or coated with ground glass to try to cut the strings of rivals or damage other kites. The festival is also often marked with celebratory gunshots fired into the air. Five people died after being hit by stray bullets.

Two people were electrocuted when they tried to untangle kites from overhead power cables. Two others fell from roofs. One was a boy chasing a stray kite. Another was a woman trying to stop her son from going after a kite. Police arrested more than 700 people during this year's festival for using sharpened kite strings or firing guns. Officials said they also seized more than 280 illegally held weapons.

I do feel bad about the child and mother though.

Home videos

2007-02-22T21:24:00.000-05:00

I realize some people might have found the butt rapeing from my last post a little hard too take. This time I took a compilation of some old home videos of my hero: my dad. If you ever wondered why I am the way I am just check out my old man in action.

Somebody get Bruce Willis on the horn

2007-02-21T09:48:00.000-05:00

Armageddon is coming.

U.N. urged to take action on asteroid threat
POSTED: 10:13 a.m. EST, February 19, 2007

SAN FRANCISCO, California (Reuters) -- An asteroid may come uncomfortably close to Earth in 2036 and the United Nations should assume responsibility for a space mission to deflect it, a group of astronauts, engineers and scientists said on Saturday.

Astronomers are monitoring an asteroid named Apophis, which has a 1 in 45,000 chance of striking Earth on April 13, 2036.

Although the odds of an impact by this particular asteroid are low, a recent congressional mandate for NASA to upgrade its tracking of near-Earth asteroids is expected to uncover hundreds, if not thousands of threatening space rocks in the near future, former astronaut Rusty Schweickart said.

"It's not just Apophis we're looking at. Every country is at risk. We need a set of general principles to deal with this issue," Schweickart, a member of the Apollo 9 crew that orbited the earth in March 1969, told an American Association for the Advancement of Science conference in San Francisco.

Schweickart plans to present an update next week to the U.N. Committee on Peaceful Uses of Outer Space on plans to develop a blueprint for a global response to an asteroid threat.

The Association of Space Explorers, a group of former astronauts and cosmonauts, intends to host a series of high-level workshops this year to flesh out the plan and will make a formal proposal to the U.N. in 2009, he said.

Schweickart wants to see the United Nations adopt procedures for assessing asteroid threats and deciding if and when to take action.

The favored approach to dealing with a potentially deadly space rock is to dispatch a spacecraft that would use gravity to alter the asteroid's course so it no longer threatens Earth, said astronaut Ed Lu, a veteran of the international space station.

The so-called Gravity Tractor could maintain a position near the threatening asteroid, exerting a gentle tug that, over time, would deflect the asteroid.

An asteroid the size of Apophis, which is about 460 feet long, would take about 12 days of gravity-tugging, Lu added.

Mission costs are estimated at $300 million.

Launching an asteroid deflection mission early would reduce the amount of energy needed to alter its course and increase the chances of a successful outcome, Schweickart said.

NASA says the precise effect of a 460-foot object hitting the Earth would depend on what the asteroid was made of and the angle of impact.

Paul Slovic, president of Oregon-based Decision Research, which studies judgment, decision-making and risk analysis, said the asteroid could take out an entire city or region.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/space/02/19/asteroid.deflector.reut/index.html

Ain't nothin' wrong, with doin' the butt all night long

2007-02-19T22:22:00.000-05:00

I would like to take this opportunity to talk about a nation wide dilemma that has been happening more frequently in our higher learning facilities with males between the ages of 18-24. An issue, although very serious, does not get nearly as much attention as binge drinking, date rape, bulimia or even chronic masturbation (a post for another time F.Y.I.) The subject? Bro rape. Please watch and become aware. There are many victims out there... just ask Tone Loc.

Was President Lincoln OK?

2007-02-19T17:02:00.000-05:00

I would like to be the first to say, "Thanks Abe. Thanks Georgie boy. Thanks for the day off." And I'm saying that because I love the both of you equally for that thing that you both did, possibly together, maybe separate? I'm not really sure but it must have been a-some if it got us a day off from work and in the end that's all that matters.

As nice as it is to have the day off it equally sucks when you still get up at your regular time and go in because you have some shit to do that can't wait till Tuesday(Another reason I hate New York). I basically came in, saw Miz cynical on the elevator (which means I didn't even get a chance to scare her), started working, finished up around 1 and was on my way. There wasn't even a positive about being there that long. I did sleep for about 2 hours when I got home but that's a poor positive.

A good positive that has nothing to do with work is that I took all my Omaha steaks out of the boxes and will, God willing, be doing some grilling in the next week. Did I mention that it came with lava cakes ladies? Hope every ones day off went as spectacular as mine.

What the F, Bloc Party?

2007-02-16T14:36:00.000-05:00

Ok here in one run-on sentance is my beef today: Is there anything more annoying then when you read about one of your favorites bands coming out with an album, six months go by and you hear nothing about about it, suddenly its out and you read this review which gives it freaking straight up A and you are all fired up, so you run out to your local record store (or run home and pirate the album using your neighbors internet signal, but whatever) and buy the album, and put it on....and it's kind of weak. I mean, not bad, like if I was hearing the band for the first time I would think it was pretty solid, so you start to talk yourself into it with things like "well, the choruses are pretty good" or "i like a couple of songs in the middle a lot" or the real death knell "well, it's more mature than the first album." And then you are on your way to work and it's maybe 7 degrees outside and you happen to throw on the first album, and realize that no, it is unacceptable that Bloc Party decided they needed to go all Radiohead and try to make some kind of freaking artistic statement when "Silent Alarm" was the best thing to come out of England since, who knows, the Clash? To answer my own rhetorical question, no, there is not anything more annoying than that. What the F, Bloc Party! (still worth buying by the way, some of the songs in the middle are really solid....)

Let the countdown begin

2007-02-11T16:50:00.000-05:00

As some of you may or may not know spring training is quickly coming up on us. Which means that the actual season is right around the corner. And hopefully this year, right around the corner there wont be some guys waiting to jump us because its looking like the Phillies are going to be contending for a division title. God I hope so. It seems like the last couple years going into spring training everything looks good enough for a wildcard spot, and they did the last two years, but sadly slow starts turned into early tee times.

This year though things are looking like they will be different. For the first time we have some real solid starters, six to be exact, which is good news. Once spring training starts theres bound to be someone out there who realizes they some more depth in the rotation and we will have the perfect guy for ya: John Lieber. He was decent this year, solid the year before, he could easily get us the set up guy we've been trying to get for him. I feel this is the key move going into spring training, cause lets face it, Pat "I hit .222 with runners in scoring position" Burrell isn't going anywhere for now. The only chance is that we make it so miserable for him that he wants to get the fuck out of town and wont demand the Sox or Yanks or whoever else wouldn't want him for a bag of beans.

One thing I am worried about though is Chris Coste. The guy hit .328 in 66 games, quickly became a favorite but there still might not be room for him behind the plate or on the bench. Like everyone else I'm hoping he finds his way into one of the two spots.

You know what? I"m probably setting myself up for a big fat letdown like every year but fuck it, you gotta get excited over something when the sixers and flyers play like this.

On a side note that has nothing to do with the Phillies: I started a new blog. spaztown.blogspot.com No more bringing this place down on a regular basis but still on occasion.

"Hey go Nova." "Uh I go to St. Joe's you idiot"

2007-02-06T11:24:00.000-05:00

I don't get excited about many things, unless they involve Bette Midler's greatest hits, chocolate syrup and chia pets if you know what I mean. You probably don't though because I don't even know what I meant by that.

The real reason for this post was to let all four of you know that I am excited about college basketball. We are just a month out from March Madness, a time when I can skip work to watch basketball, begin drinking heavily early in the day, and incorrectly predict the winners of games which ultimately will lead to me losing lots of money.

There are two great games I am looking foward to this week, Rivalry Week. One because it's local and the other because it's going to be so exciting I will urinate in my pants on purpose like those times in Wildwood.

Tonight, Villanova and St. Joe's will do battle in the Holy War. This is always a fun game because of the fans alone. Nova has all the obnoxious, "it doesn't matter if we win because we'll still have more money than you" fans (sorry to the two Nova people who may read this). SJU just has a bunch of idiots in their student section, many of whom I consider good friends. In the end, it doesn't matter to me who wins, just as long as it's a good one. Although watching Jameer and company roll into the Pavillion a few years back and win by 29 was sweet.

Tomorrow night is the game of all games. Duke versus North Carolina. The best rivalry in college b-ball and in my opinion the second best in all sports, behind Yanks-Sox. This outcome I do care about. Duke-UNC games never disappoint. I'm hoping for a good one but wouldn't be too upset if UNC blew the Dukies out like the little bastards they are. Go Heels. I need to pee.

BRRRRRRR

2007-02-05T20:17:00.000-05:00

Last night was the big game. Who knew right? Yup, Colts VS. Bears. Colts won. Colts covered. I drank a lot of beer and ate steak at the bar. Good times.

Now its time for the fightins motherfuckers and if you haven't heard we tied up Myers with a nice deal. Playoffs this year? Thats all I'm going to say on the subject. I'm kinda superstitious like that.

How about that cold weather? I can deal with my face, ears, nose and entire body freezing but I hate how long it takes to warm up once I get inside. It takes like 30 minutes. And another 20 for my junk to go back to normal. Damn cold weather.

The new Disney World?

2007-02-04T12:37:00.000-05:00

I was surfing around the old interweb and found some interesting pics about dangerous roads. Basically it was a bunch of shots of roads on the sides of mountains with two way traffic, which should have only been one way.

This picture, however is not meant for driving on. Its for walking. Apparently its a tourist trail in China. So, there is probably hundreds of people who cross these boards and hang on to the chains for thier lives every year. Me? I think I would do it. Looks kinda fun.

Reunion Tours of the summer

2007-02-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

In case everyone and there mom hasn't heard already this is going to be the summer of reunion tours. Big reunions too.

All awesome bands. Some haven't played together in almost 30 years, 20+, 20, or just like 5 but either way i want to see them all. All I say! Just look at the lineup and not gasp like you just saw your parents getting busy on the kitchen table. Heres the list from my the band I least care about to most.

Smashing Pumkins. One of the best bands of the 90's no doubt. Tons of hits and a freaky looking bold lead singer. Siamese dream anyone? Mellon collie and the infinite sadness? Uh huh. Thats some good shit there.

Van Halen. I think Van Halen had a reunion tour like a year or two ago but that was with Sammy "I can't drive 55" Hagar. And really who cares about him? This summer they got the original man back, Diamond Dave himself. Bascially if you can think of a big VH hit it was sung by Dave. On a sad note however, they just recently kicked out bass played Michael Anthony, who some of you may know as my little dance move I do to compete with Tone Locs amazing Mick Jagger. Oh well, they have a 15 y/o Wolfgang Van Halen in the band now. Whatever, its the damn bass. Funny story about David Lee Roth: Once he was "blowing" coke in a bedroom with some gusy from Motley Crue. Someone started a fight or something and a mirror fell off the wall and fell, and smashed right on Daves head. He didn't even notice.

Rage against the machine. This one is kinda hard to get excited for in a way because its for one show only but perhaps they will get together to do a big tour and decide to rock my face off here in Philly. I can hope. I personally dont really care for Audioslave, which is rage minus the lead singer but added Chris Cornell of Soundgarden. Now THATS a reunion tour I would go see.

The Police. I'm not really a huge fan in the sense I dont have any CD's or anything but how can you not like them? Its impossible. They got too many good tunes to not wanna see them. I imagine a lot of people who were my age in the 80's when the Police were at their height of popularity are dieing to see them. One of the few bands who went out on top. They broke up when they were at thier peak

And the band I want to see the most is... Led fuckin' Zeppelin.
In all honesty I dont think i have really listened to a Zep CD in years but you know what? I listened to them almost non stop in high school so I sstill know all the lyrics, all the solos, all the drum beats, everything. I think I'm going to have to call them my favorite band.

This is the first time since the greatest drummer ever, John Bonham, died that all 3 remaining members have toured together. And to make it an official Zeppelin reunion they got John's son Jason Bonham to play the drums. Can't. Fucking. Wait.

Well, thats my review. Anyone want to go to a concert with me?