What the F?

As some people may know, i like to go to the gym. Not that makes me special or anything because there is literally thousands of people who are members to gyms and like to pump up the guns or what have you. Those people are great. No, seriously, they're the greatest people on the planet earth. Possibly better than carnival foke and I fuckin LOVE carnies. Whats not to love? Accents, dirt, lobster boys, lack of teeth and morals, midgets, etc. etc. But even with all of that great shit going for em people at the gym are even better. Mostly because you will find even bigger freaks at your local muscle production plant or as you may call it a "gym". Freak-o-deeks like, "old woman who does ballet before, after, and during weight lifting". I kid you not. She even has the leg warmers like in flash dance. In fact I think they are the actual leg warmers worn during the production of flash dance. Super fan, clearly. Another favorite of mine is the 150 lb. soaking wet kid, wearing a wife beater of course, who likes to look at his ripped abs in the mirror every chance he gets even though he clearly is lacking in the abdominal area. Lets just say he is not grating any cheese on those bad boys anytime soon. It look more like a sensual act between a man and his favorite block of monteray jack cheese (note to self: look up sensual act between a man and his favorite block of monteray jack cheese porn tonight). But my personal favorite is the shadow boxer. No this is not a boxing gym that we are sculpting our lats in, its the damn muscle production plant for christ sakes. Yet this individual finds the need to throw some punches inbetween his sets to show off his skill. The best part is that he clearly has never had a boxing lession in his life let alone actually had an altercation in the streets. Not like myself of course. I once got jumped by a whole gang before walking home from target. Thats right a whole gang. You may have heard of them before too. A little faction that goes by the name of the girl scouts?!?! Yea, they think they're tough because they have a couple of badges that display all of the criminal acts they have commited against humanity such theft, murder, dealin dope, and rape (which they are most proud of) but I dont care about that crap. They dont know me. I'm crazy! And they're short and easy to kick in the face. Sorry about that, what was I talking about? Oh yea gym freaks. Well thats basically the short list of the annoying people at my gym. I could go on about it but I would actually rather hear some stories about your favorite weirdo. So plase feel free to chime in on the subject.

Oh did you think this post was over? Sorry to get your hopes up but there is more to this rant. The first half was about my favorite oddballs/annoying assholes and this half is about my three biggest pet peeves which, believe it or not, have to do with said oddballs/annoying assholes.

#3 NOT PUTTING YOUR WEIGHTS AWAY
The worst thing you can do when your working out at a gym is leaving your weights laying around instead of putting them away. Gee, thanks for leaving 16 different dumbells on the floor for me to dance around so i dont trip and crack my head open. And its never even pairs of dumbells. Its like a 7.5 lb. pink plastic dumbell and a 120 lb. dumbell. Do you have one super strong arm and your sisters arm surgically attached for the other? I can stand this to a degree but when I have to put these things away so i can workout is when I get pissed and knock out the old lady doing ballet. As far as I know I'm not your daddy (blood test pending of course. I get around) so why do I pick up your shit?

#2 SOAKING THE FLOOR WITH WATER
#3 is actually the only pet peeve of mine that takes place in the weight area. The other two are where the magic happens. This place of course is the locker room. For people like myself who have no intention of hanging out in the lockerroom longer than it takes to get changed, this one will drive you nuts: a wet floor. Oh, what? dosen't sound so bad? Well I hate it. I hate walking in and slipping around on the tiles. What the hell do these guys bath in baby oil? But the worst part about a wet floor is wet socks. I take my shoes off and try my hardest not to get my feet even the tiniest bit wet yet it happens ever single time. And somehow my pants end up getting wet too. But why is te floor so wet you might be asking yourself? Well good for you. I like people who are inquisitive. You get a cookie. This actually leads us to my #1 pet peeve:

#1 NAKED GUYS IN THE LOCKER ROOM
If there is anything that ruins my day faster than seeing a naked guy I dont want to know about it. Because it pretty much goes to shit right about there. Kinda like getting punched in the gut and than seeing someones balls.

These guys come out of the shower with their junk just flapping around, having a merry old time, dripping wet because they dont usea towel. Who needs to use a towel? Were all guys in here and its a gym locker room! Its bad enough that they are standing around in their birthday suit but they than go about their normal activities like jmoneymadskillz wants see the goods. Comb the hair? No problem. Brush their teeth? Okey dokey. Shave? A OK. Do your taxes? Sure! Who cares. They;ll just get a little wet since you dont use a damn towel but I'm sure the I.R.S. wont care because they all do the same thing, obviously. Now you may be saying, "Whats the big deal? Just stop staring you perv." Well why didn't I think of that? Of yea, I did but than this happens: the ball drying. This is not a fictional tale. This really happened while I was in the locker room. The naked man has just finished shaving and brushing his teeth and is now combing his hair, even styling it with a blow drier when he must finally notice he is soaking wet. "Well hell" he thinks to himself, "I have a blow drier and I have wet balls. How about I put my leg up on the bench near this nice gentleman (me) and procede to BLOW DRY MY BALLS! Oh yea. It happened. I walkedout in disgust. And that is why naked guys in the locker room are my numero uno pet peeve. God have mercy on my soul.