Tuesday, July 24, 2007


Nice to mole you, er, meet you

Just about everyday after work I do the same routine. Go to the gym, come home, eat massive amount of food, let massive amount of said food settle in my wasteland called a stomach, run on the treadmill for a little bit, shower, relax, and sleep. Sometimes I'll throw in some other stuff like look at porn or hit the heavy bag but that's my basic routine. Not tonight though. I come home, eat, decide to lay in my room for a little bit wishing there was some concert I was going to before running. Instead at 8:30 I fell asleep and didn't wake up till 11:45. And you know what? It felt great. So great I felt like blogging about it.

On another note: I saw the Police at Citizens Bank Park last Thursday. Despite my sister and I only being able to name about 7 songs before the concert started, it rocked. We both turned out to know more then 7 songs. More like all but 3. All in all and pretty good time.

More entertaining then the actual concert were the people there watching it. We had fanny pack, who had everything imaginable inside of that thing. Someone needed scissors? He had 'em. Band aid? Bingo. 3 foot tall bong? Surprisingly yes!

My favorite were the 2 Asian couples in front of us though. Some how through the concert their seating arrangement had changed and the women sat on one side and the guys on the other. Well this gave the one broad an opportunity to show her dance moves to the kid next to her. She kept doing this weird sway thing where she would rub against him. This kid had zero interest in punky bruster 07' though. We laughed.

She wasn't the worst of the two though. Her friend had a giant mole on her arm. Like a 4" diameter. This isn't too bad I suppose except it also had 4" long hairs coming out of it. And I don't mean like 4 or 5 or even 20, it was like it had a head of hair! I think when she got ready to go out that night she actually parted it to one side. I wish my sisters pic she took with her phone came out better but unfortunately, it didn't. Just take my word, it made my balls shiver.

Well, I'm drinking some chocolate milk with a spoon and heading to bed.


Who wants to be freaked out for the rest of the day?

Monday, July 23, 2007


Hey babe, whats your sign?

This is something I probably shouldn't admit to but I feel like everyone who reads what the f has the right to know about it. It is so shocking it is going to blow your little minds. The fact is, I lack game. Thats right, game. I don't know what it is but I just don't have it when I talk to the lady folks. Maybe its because I dont have any good opening lines or perhaps its because I don't have very good conversational skills. Maybe its because I like to smell womens hair and tell them it would make for a great doll. Who knows? I guess after God gave me the good looks and adonis like physique he felt no man could be so perfect and gave me this weakness. Nah, that can't be it because the first two traits were lies. ALL LIES!

So what is it? You people have hung out with me at the bars, what do I do wrong? Aside from the obvious stuff like my face, hygiene, non matching clothes, not having a surfer body, and shoving large amounts of food in my face at one time, there has to be something that can be fixed. Well, I dont know what it is. Maybe I should just roll on top of women and start making out with them. Actually, that sounds like a good opener. Maybe to seal the deal I'll quote the Simpsons for an hour. Perfect.

If someone has any advice they would like to throw my way feel free. If its good enough I'll let you watch me try and throw game with it.

Friday, July 20, 2007


Celebrity Dog-Fighting Championships

Check it out here:


(Sorry, I was too lazy to post it both places)

Sunday, July 15, 2007


Top 10 stand up comics

These top 10 comics that I've listed are the comics that , at this moment, make me laugh the most. Obviously it can change easily and regularly. Also notice that a lot of big name comics are left off, like: Rodney Dangerfield, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld, etc. As great as they are thier standup doesn't quite do it for me. Well, anyway, here is it:

10.Patton Oswalt
9.Dave Chappelle
8.Dave Attel
7.Sam Kinison
6.Dane Cook
5.Jim Gaffigan
4.Chris Rock
3.Norm MacDonald
2.Mitch Hedberg
1.Bill Hicks

Clearly the most accuarate list ever made.


He waited in line how long?


By any chance does someone know John Street's email so I can send him this? I think he would get a kick out of it.

Friday, July 13, 2007


Truman Show? Not Quite. EdTV? Nah

But this dude is filming himself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the quest to... count to a million.


Check out the live feed, it's unbearable and addictive at the same time.


It's in his jeans

"Won't bind your legs"

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Don't you be talkin bout my Esposa.

Unintentional comedy was on display today when boxer Hector Mayorga, err Mayorga's English interpreter, made a remark about opponent Fernando Vargas' wife during a press conference. As Mayorga's interpreter was restating the line in English about Vargas' woman, Mayorga took a swing at his opponent. It's all here on the video. It gets good at about the 4 1/2 minute mark.

The best thing about this incident has to be the awkwardness of the interpreter, who had to shit-talk another man's wife, a boxer's wife mind you, right to his face. If you were Vargas, do you go after the interpreter, too? If you're the interpreter, do you even say it? Do you tell your Spanish-speaking friend "I can't say that one, buddy." Being an interpreter is not an easy job, and today's event certainly proved that.

If I'm not mistaken, the last time Mayorga mentioned an opponent's wife (Mrs. Oscar De la Hoya), he got his ass kicked in the ring.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


Raping the 80s

I would never normally throw the word rape around... but sh*t is getting serious.

Oh yeah, I'll most definitely be first in line though. Hopefully wearing the hoodie that Alvin is rocking in that poster. Seriously.

What's going on with the hip hop vibe though? Are they going to be rappers (ugh). Washed up rappers (Simon is looking real Run DMC-ish)? For a second I thought the poster said "They're black & bigger than ever."

At least Jason Lee is in it. And the Chippettes better be in it, they were fine (they were 18 right?)

Transformers was apparently pretty good, so I'll give this the benefit of the doubt... unlike that Underdog movie dropping this year.

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