Thursday, September 28, 2006



To follow up with my look back on Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the golden years of the WWF/E, here is the Ultimate Warrior. There is purely nothing I can say about this video. It is too crazy for words. Just watch.

A fun fact about the Warrior is that he legally changed his name to Ultimate Warrior. True story. Now is it really the 3rd one?!?!?


TO Now 0 For 1 In Suicide Attempts

Is it wrong that my first thought after hearing TO tried to bounce himself was "how does this affect my fantasy teams?" Well I really don't give a shit. The guy is nuts and he's responsible for all the attention he gets, including front pages of newspapers and top stories on CNN, even when there are clearly more important things going on like the release of Dustin Diamond's Saved By the Balls sex tape.

That said, I actually believe his story. It doesn't make sense that 81 would want to take his own life because as his publicist pointed out yesterday, he's raking in 25 mil. And I'm aware that money doesn't buy happiness and all that BS, but TO thrives on himself so why would he want to kill the only thing he's ever loved? Especially with less than two weeks before his return to Philly? I know Dallas is an awful city but is it really that depressing?

It would've been selfish for him to deprive us all of his arrogance, his TD celebrations, his love affair with Michael Irvin (one of my least favorite people in the entire world), his weight lifting lawn sessions, and of course his crying about his childhood.

I'm really not this insensitve to serious situations like suicide but the whole thing yesterday was just another day at the circus in the life of TO. He gave fantasy owners around the world a real scare.

Joke of the day: This one comes from a friend. What's the difference between TO and pizza pie?

Answer: A pizza pie won't try to kill itself.


Screech Powers

If you havent heard it already, apparently dustin diamond, a.k.a. Screech Powers, has a porno out. Thats right. A down a dirty three way actually with two chicks that ends with a dirty sanchez!

Anyone who knnows anything about Dustin knows that he leaked this out himself. The guy was on Stern a month or so back talking about how he needed to raise money for his house he was about to lose. How do you raise hundreds of thousands of dolllars? Well Screech sold t-shirts. Yea, its lame. Worse yet, people who paid never even got one. What a douch. And to make the douchery even worse the great Artie Lange offered the asshole a 5 minute opening spot for him where he would give him $2,000. For 5 damn minutes. And what does this jerk do? Doesn't show. Doesn't even tell Artie he isn;t coming and leaves him hanging.

Will I check out this video even with Dustin being nothing but a money grubbing whore? Well, yea, probably. He says he has a 10' wang, he's doing 2 chicks, and a dirty sanchez. It sounds too bizarre to NOT watch.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Who the f@ck are you?

As some people may or may not know I own a sirius radio and listen to it all day at work, i've mentioned this here before. Me and Tone Loc were actually listening to some British chicks ride the sybian on Stern today. Oh and FYI, chicks with British accents moaning is hot. But I'm not here to write about Howard. I'm here to talk about a new channel on Sirius. Who could be on this channel you say? The Who of course.

During last week Sirius decided to give the Who they're own 24/7 channel. I listened to it non-stop after stern for a week. Its getting a little old now i'll admit but amazing still. Behind blue eyes anyone? Anyone?

R.I.P. Keith Moon "the loon"

P.S.- Unusual Suspect could not name one Who song but our CEO and head inchalada could. Sad.


Two for Tuesday

Homeless World Cup Soccer
This is awesome. I read about it in yesterday's Metro. The lead is great. The image that first went through my head was even better. In all seriousness though, soccer could solve alot of the world's problems. When the Non-Homeless World Cup took place this summer in Germany, most of the world (save the US, Canada and any country ending in -stan) stopped to watch. Wars in Africa were halted so that people could cheer on their home nations. And after watching the real US team compete this summer, I'm certain the Homeless US squad could take them easily.

Clinton tried to kill Bin Laden, found Lewinsky instead
I'm sure Billy tried hard, but like this current administration, he failed to spot a 7 feet 5 inch, camoflauge vest-wearing, Arab holding a microphone with a limp hand. Clinton, during a conservative FOX interview last week, let the assface interviewer know he came closer to catching OBL than anyone else, including Dubya. Close but no cigar. Get it? The cigar reference? I crack myself up.

Friday, September 22, 2006



Tonight I would like to pay tribute to the greatest wrestling figure to ever walk God's green earth and Pluto's cold surface (thats right, he was there, none other than Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Just feel the way that slips off the tounge. Its like magic.

Jim Duggan grew up in the harse wilderness of Montana. To combate the conditions, he willed his face to grow the manliest beard to ever grow at the not so tender age of 5 and 3/4. The second youngest in his family.

While roaming the unknown in the badlands of Montana, Duggan would constantly need to kill his food with his bare hands. This was raising hell on his cuiticles, thus the need for a weapon. But what weapon could he find in the wilderness? The wilderness of course. He knocked over the biggest tree in Montana with his shoulder, widled it down with his teeth, and shaped the most perfect 2x4. Almost as perfect as his beard. Now armed with beard and 2x4 there was only one more thing needed put in place to strike fear into his prey. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. U-S-A. U-S-A. U-S-A." Now he is ready for the big time.

After wiping out 13 different species in Montana, Jim went out to discover the world. Somehow he became a wrestler. Honestly he just showed up one day to a wrestling show and got in the ring. He already had the trunks and boots on so he fit in nicely. Plus he had a great beard, perfect 2x4, and blood curdaling cry. Ingredients for a super star. All he needed was a nickname. But what? Vince McMahon asked him if he had one, and his responce was that his mom called him hacksaw because when he was born he weighed an amazing 20lbs. and tore out of her like one. Vince was disgusted but agreed it was a neat-o nickname.

Today no one knows what became of "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. At least I dont. And I'm not looking it up damnit... so he's a mailman.


Enjoy Your Weekend


Deal or No Deal, WWF-style

The television show featuring overly excited people screaming at the top of their lungs whenever anything at all happens is back. That's right, I'm talking about the new season of Deal or No Deal premiering this week on NBC.

First of all, I love this show. The setup is great, and the contestants are usually so into the game that they don't realize they're shouting even when host Howie Mandel (best known for his work on Bobby's World) just slightly turns his body in another direction. It's great comedy. But I need more controversey.

Here's what I don't like. Why is everyone in the audience always pulling for the contestant to win the most money possible, which by the way, was $6 mil last night? Am I the only one who would rather watch someone they don't know chose the briefcase worth a penny over the one that contains a mil? There needs to be more booing.

My suggestion is to make the show more like wrestling. There could be good guys and bad guys among the contestants and even among the lovely women who hold the briefcases. Contestants could enter the stage while taunting Howie along with members of the audience. The best situation would be a contestant's family member or friend turning on them by telling them to deal when they should really choose no deal. And then, to the surprise of the audience, the friend slowly turns to the camera with an evil grin on his/her face knowing they just cost their pal a ton of cashmoney.

Imagine it. It's like when Shawn Michaels superkicked his tag team partner Marty Jannetty through the barbershop window, or when Hogan joined the NWO. Howie Madel=Vince McMahon.

For the record, you can play
deal or no deal online. This pretty much kills the rest of my day.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


Greatest Wedding Cake Ever

It's not just the greatest because its Mario (that just makes it great), but its ridiculously well-done. I refuse to believe it's even edible, it looks like plastic.

Over the years my video game playing has drastically declined, but I'll always have a place in my heart for the short, fat, shroom addicted, Italian plumber.

I just hope the whole wedding wasn't Mario themed, cause then I'd be pissed that those pictures weren't posted.

This cake alone is reason enough to get married... maybe the best reason.

Monday, September 18, 2006


Lets go Fightin's

What a glorious Sunday. Just great I say.

Of course I am talking about the Eagles/Giants game. I had some bad feelings gonig into this game today because you can;t really tell much about a team when they play the Texans. They're awful. Like expired milk awful. But the Eagles proved that all of my bad feelings were for nothing. What a win. I didn;t actually watch all of the game, what with a 17 point lead and all I didn't feel the need to watch the Giants suffer. Its not like Donovan is going to start joking around and get a penalty, which ends up leading to a fumble recovery for a Giants touchdown. That would never happen. But even if it did thats only one touchdown, it has no meaning on the outcome. Unless they fumble the ball again, nahhh.

So I say, "way to go Birds" on a well deserved, dominate win.

F.Y.I. - Phillies get a big win against the astros, 6-4 I believe, which puts them 1 game back of the Dodgers. And even better the Giants are 3.5 back and the Marlins are 4. A little hope to an otherwise suicidal weekend.

Sunday, September 17, 2006


It's Going To Be an Awful Week

Didn't think I was going to write about the collapse of the century, otherwise known as today's eagles-giants game, but I need to vent because I'm angry. My week is ruined thanks to what occurred at the Linc today.

Game summary: The Birds friggin dominated most of the way, held a 17-point lead in the 4th quarter and blew it. Why? Sure, that lousy, fat, choke artist coach Andy Reid forgot how to run an offense. But it always comes down to the guys on the field and it's really scary how most of the Birds folded late in the game. They stopped playing, most of them.

Now, as for my week. It's going to suck. I have a hard time going about my ordinary routines during the week following an Eagles loss. Things I can't do:
-read the paper
-watch the news
-watch sportscenter in the morning or watch espn when anything nfl-related is on
-watch comcast sportsnet at all
-listen to the radio, especially WIP-this one is weird because WIP was my savior after each of the Eagles NFC championship losses but now I don't really want to be bothered with all the retards who call in
-fall asleep easily
-get out of bed without feeling sick to my stomach and dreading going about my day
-talk to any of my friends who are Giants fans. Seriously, I got all of your voicemails and I'm not returning your calls.
-talk to my dad about the game. Depending on how depressing the loss was, we give it some time. I have a feeling we'll talk this one out on Thursday.

I realize it's only week two but this is the type of loss that can linger for a whole season. Next Sunday, I'm taking a much needed break from the NFL and the Eagles as I have a couple family engagements that will allow me only to peek at the scoreboard every so often. I'm not disappointed, though, because this one today took alot out of me. I also realize that I may be a little nuts but I can guarantee there are plenty others who feel just as awful as I do right now.

On an even sadder note, famous cokehead Whitney Houston last week filed for divorce from famous wifebeater Bobby Brown. America's couple is no more. Sad.


Today's Eagles game:

What the F*&#?

But this photo is pretty funny.

Thursday, September 14, 2006


What a gentleman

The other day when I was walking home from work when I noticed an older woman, late 30s probably, that had quite the sad face on her puss.

I don't know exactly why but I started to feel bad. I didn't know her and I will most likely never see her again but I felt like I should do something to cheer her up. But what? I didn't want to talk to this broad (she was nerdy looking) so just throwing out a hello was out. Plus I dont think that would actually cheer anyone up. Maybe a smile? Smiles are good but i think she needed something more than that. Thats when it struck me. Before I smile at her I'll check out her ass so she thinks I like what I see.

So I wait till she looks over at me, let her see me look down, throw her a smile and vola! She looks a little disgusted but I know that underneath that confused nerdy look she is elated. I know that made her day... she may have not liked it when I made a "V" with my fingers and licked in between them but that part cheered me up.

F.Y.I. - Just so everyone stops getting grossed out this did NOT actually happen. Its a fictional tale.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

It Might Be Doo Doo

On the 10th anniversary of Tupac (2pac?) Shakur's still unsolved murder, I think it's only proper to honor him with this so true Chapelle skit. How else do you honor a rapper who died but everyone still thinks he's alive?

West side till you die.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Because I know you didn't get enough in the meeting...


By the way, anybody who watched Arrested Development (anyone? just me, huh?) can appreciate the song that much more.

Monday, September 11, 2006


Has He Changed His Ways?

First of all, it must be noted that this is one of the best times of the year. Football is back. It was a great weekend with Notre Dame and Penn State renewing the running back U/linebacker U rivalry on Saturday and the NFL kicking off its first Sunday of the season. Tough to watch ND beat PSU like a redheaded stepchild, but in the end I made some easy money off the Irish victory so I'll get over it. Sunday was more enjoyable though, with da Birds beating up on a not-so-good Texans squad, the Giants losing to the Colts, and the Jaguars spoiling TO's Dallas debut with a win over the 'Boys.

Speaking of TO, I almost didn't recognize him this week. 81 had a strong game, breaking tackles like he always does and he even added a late TD. But he didn't celebrate. Weird. I was looking forward to him mocking the Birds with the Birdflap. Didn't happen. We might have to wait until Dallas comes to the Linc to see that, which by the way is less than a month away. Somehow I will be at that game. Don't know how yet but I will find a way in without spending 3 grand on stubhub.

Dallas quarterback Drew Bledsoe royally sucked it up on Sunday, throwing three interceptions and eerily resembling my dad after he pulls his hamstring throwing horseshoes on the beach. No Philadelphia/San Francisco-like sideline outbursts or harsh words from TO though. Maybe he's finally realized that it's not all about him. Here's my prediction: TO kills Bledsoe in his sleep, gets caught, and has his agent explain that he is genuinely a good guy who killed the QB for the better of the Dallas fans. It's believable.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


I'm Starting To Scare Myself

It's official. JTimbo is talented. The former NSyncer has followed up Sexy Back with another great single, My Love. The scariest part of this revelation is I just downloaded it and I can't stop listening. I love it and I want to scream it from the top of a mountain. Except I don't have a mountain, I have a blog. JMoney, you can make fun all you want but I don't care.

So far this has been one of those songs that I heard in the car and I either A) put up the windows to sing loudly, or B) turned down the volume a little so that I could comfortably listen without wondering if the person in the car next to me thinks I am a nutjob. Well those days are over. I will proudly blast JTimbo when I want, where I want.

I'm already looking forward to his next hit. It will more than likely be awesome. And I need to stop now.


"What is your prediction for this fight?' "Pain."- Clobber Lang

If you don't live in the city of brotherly love, which I am pretty sure anyone who would read this does, than let me be the first to tell you that this is "Philly loves Rocky week". Which Rocky you may be asking yourself? Marciano? Rocky the moose? Rocky from the gym who broke my thumbs two years ago when the eagles didn't cover? Uh, no. Its Rocky Balboa you fucking idiot. Why would someone dedicate a whole week to those other losers? Exactly, they wouldn't.

My question is this though: who cares about rocky Balboa? Maybe I should rephrase that. Who cares about rocky 6? Yea, that’s more like it. No one does not like Rocky. The guy is a forever lovable character from the mean streets of Philadelphia who shares characteristics of all three of the Rocky's mentioned above. Plus he drank raw eggs, chased chickens, wrestled Thunder Lips, trained in the mountains with a championship beard, does not shun white heavyweight boxing contenders with aids, married a nerdy broad, knocked the head off of an alien, and knocked the teeth out of a lion. And the most amazing thing he did was give Adrian an abortion with a fist to her belly. After how that first kid turned out I say way to go Rock.

But this new Rocky is 60 years old and wears a diaper. I don’t know any 60 year olds who can knock the teeth out of a lion. Sorry Rock but I think its time we break up. We've had a good run over the years. Two fights with Apollo creed, Two fights with Mr. T, the death of Mick, Thunder Lips, the Russian he-man/punisher, the real boxer with aids, and you know what? It was great but lets just move on with each others lives... and maybe give me my money back for Rocky 5.

FYI- The Philly loves Rocky week logo is amazing!

Monday, September 04, 2006


Say it aint soo oh oh ohhh

the date: 9/4/06. The occasion? The death of the Crocodile hunter. Thats right, Steve Irwin has died from a fatal sting ray assault. It actually stabbed him in the heart with its tail. Straight up gangsta if you ask me.

I would like to take this time to say goodbye to the man who gave so much joy to the world by almost being eatin by crocodiles on a daily basis and even dangling his baby a foot away from one. Its how you grow up to be a man so its all good.

When you think about it though its kinda lame how he died. A sting ray? really? I've been stabbed in the heart by sting rays for years and i'm still kickin. Kickin it old school to boot. I'm not trying to be mean but i think the world kinda collectively laughed when they heard he died from a sting ray. What a pussy. Regardless, the sting rays gotta go. My uncle has a boat called the rusty trambone from which I will hunt down this son-of-a-bitch. Or i'll just forget about the whole thing by tomorrow. either way I'm gonna start banging his wife. Oh yea, easy pickins.

Friday, September 01, 2006


Does Anyone Still Like the VMA's?

Last night, I had the displeasure of watching some of the MTV Video Music Awards, or as the young kids call it, the VMA's. I'm not sure who won what awards because I really didn't pay any attention to that. The show was pretty awful for the most part. I did come away with a few questions I would have asked some of the celebrities and musicians in attendance had I been there.

-To Panic at the Disco: I've heard that song at least 12,498 times and I still don't know what the words are. Can you help me out? Am I the only one who is out of the loop on the lyrics?
-To JayZ and Nas: are you guys officially "cool" now that we saw you sitting next to eachother tonight? Was there ever a fued to begin with? And Jay, why is your watch bigger than my head?
-To Chamillionaire: dude, you are a rapper. you're supposed to play it cool when you accept an award. Or start a coastal rap war. Why did you act like an excited little schoolboy? Snoop Dogg and Suge Knight need to show you how it's done.
-To the guy from Linkin Park: why were you so happy to win the award for best ringtone?
-To MTV: Why do you give an award for best ringtone? Also, what ever happened to Jesse Camp?
-To Jack Black: How does it feel to get a negative amount of laughs from the audience?
-To Beyonce: Will you marry me?
-To Beyonce: Why not?

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