Friday, October 27, 2006


Jam of the Week: Mr T. - Treat Your Mother Right

You are sooooo not ready for this.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


Single-Sex classes

I opened my papaer today and saw the headline "Single-sex classes get go-ahead". When I read this I honestly thought it meant that they were going to be teaching classes about masturbation. Choking the chicken. Beating the one eyed monster. Feeding the hog. Yanking your doodle dandy. I think you get the point. In actuality it was just that they'll be teaching the boys and the girls seperatly. Not quite as interesting.

Even more hilarious though, underneath that article was one about giving more condoms to inmates to prevent spreading aids in jail. Apparently its spreading like peanut butter over wonderbread. Maybe they should just stop the rapeing, no? Its like saying instead of preventing crime we'll just make it a little uncomfortable and lack feeling.

Monday, October 23, 2006


Worst day ever

October 22, 2006: Woke up hurting thanks to mucho drinks and sleeping on a couch. Both my throat and my back were on fire, and still are. I know I'm an old man.

Watched the Eagles lose at a bar in D.C. Nothing compares to watching your team get its ass kicked by a bunch of scrubs, and having to be around a group of Redskins fans while it goes down. By the way, when I heard the temp. in Tampa was 100 degrees, I predicted McNabb would heave. And heave he did, all over the field.

To top it off, it took me five plus hours to drive back home from Washington because of roadwork. Taffic really is one of the worst things in the world. But why, Delaware, are you doing roadwork on a Sunday evening when everyone is returning from their weekend rendezvous in wherever? The worst part is, they closed two lanes on 95. Not one, but two. Even more worse is the fact that I think they were doing the same roadwork at the same exit the last time I drove home from D.C. I thought I was driving into hell as everyone was merging.

Which justifies my belief that Delaware should not be part of America. Here are a few suggested slogans for the so-called first state:
Delaware: Why are you here?
Delaware: We suck.
Delaware: I'd rather be in Jersey.
Delaware: Even Rhode Island could kick our ass in a fight?

Worst. Day. Ever.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006



Our very own Tone Loc made it into the metro yesterday. He was quted several times about our companies new program Soundaboutphilly.

"We made an effort to keep up with new technology. So if your in LA, you can find out where you want to go in Philly before you get here." Said Tone Loc, spokesman. I didnt know he was a spokesman for the company. I dont think he did either.

He is a rising star people. Latch onto his coat tails and take the ride. The ride all the way to public access television.


Tuesday, October 17, 2006


OMG I'm on myspace

I sold out last night. A sellout on the level of when Tatanka joined Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Corporartion during Summerslam '94 after he claimed for weeks that Lex Luger was the one who would join.

That's right, I joined myspace yesterday. And my song has already been deleted by the artist! What gives?

Here's to inviting strangers around the world to be my friend.

Monday, October 16, 2006

This is what the playoffs are all about

2 outs, bottom of the ninth, a chance to put your team into the World Series.

Magglio Ordonez, now known as Mr. Clutch, hit a walk-off homer on Saturday to advance the Detroit Tigers to the World Series for the first time since man discovered fire. The Detroit f'in Tigers playing for a championship. That's something I never expected to see.

The crowd reaction/ announcer call makes this fun to watch. Fast forward to 1:25 to get to the good stuff.


Headline o' the day

This one goes to the Philly Daily News for: "Colorado sheriff candidate seems to have a hand in video."

The story is about someone who was not master of his domain, apparently.

Friday, October 13, 2006


Bust out those nurtlenecks

If you're like me and you bitched and whined like a little girl last night because it was so cold, just be thankful you're not in Buffalo. Two feet of snow today. Seriously, what an awful place to live or even just to be around. I wonder what it's like to be a child there and get snowed in for Halloween. Depressing.

Actually, I really enjoy the changing of the seasons and weather and all that slop. But last night, the temp dropped drastically as I was sitting outside of a bar because my friends all had to continue smoking like the smokers they are. In case you haven't heard, bars in Philly have finally begun enforcing the smoking ban. Loco.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Well yank my doodle dandy

I'm a little late but let me be the first to say, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" at the Yankees. Way to flush $200 million down the drain scumbags. Too bad it wasn't the Red Sox that took you down.

The only thing I am sad about from this amazing turn of events is that Artie Lange from the Howard Stern show has to make out with 500 year old porn star Blue Iris due to a lost bet. I feel bad but will be non-stop laughing when it happens.

Now in national league news: F the Mets!

Monday, October 09, 2006


This has all the elements of a great highlight:
1. record setter- I believe Lito's 102 yard interception return for a TD is the longest ever at the Linc
2. two teams make up one of the best rivalries in the NFL
3. TD seals the game for the Birds
4. boneheaded QB makes an awful pass and hears it from his coach
5. pissed off, arrogant receiver visibly upset he didn't get the ball
6. heroics- this was Lito's first game back since spraining his ankle in week 1
7. crowd was unbelievable- if you listen closely you can hear the fans singing along to both the Lito shuffle (appropriately) and the eagles fight song. And the shot of the crowd celebrating is sweet.

It's fun to watch over and over again.

Friday, October 06, 2006


Is it wrong...

that I wanted the mother of the screaming child on the train today to punch her kid? I'm awful at estimating ages. I once thought a seven-year-old was three. Is that weird? But this little bastard today was probably three to five years old, and he had the most annoying scream in the history of western civilization.

Now as painfully loud as he was, I didn't really want mom to hit her son. The problem was she repeatedly said "no" to him. And after every "no" came a cry, or a sound like this. Everyone on the train had to be thinking what I was thinking- either stop saying no or kick your kid out the door. You're making my morning commute on this ugly day even more unenjoyable.

The real soultion is to leave the kid home alone. Seriously, it's not a big deal. A five-year-old boy can take care of himself. What could possibly happen? Just remember to remove all electrical appliances from the bathroom and he'll be fine.

I can't wait to be a father. Only seven more months!

Thursday, October 05, 2006


The Carters

I think I might have to start watching that House of Carters or whatever its called, if its gonna be this hilarious.

Everything from the dancing at the opening to the "You gonna turn the mothaf*ckin music down" to the Paris Hilton argument is unintentional comedic genious.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Time to get Lost

Wednesday nights are whole again. The season premiere of Lost airs tonight on ABC and Tone Loc will be watching. I feel like a nerd because I love this show so much. But so does most of the world so I'm not alone in my nerdiness.

I'm a sucker for conspiracy theories. Therefore, my entire life revolves around proving Arlen Specter's single-bullet theory is way off, and finding out why Oceanic Flight 815 crashed on that island. Now I try not to pay attention to all the leaks on the internet but from what I hear, this season will reveal the back stories of the Others. I'm psyched. Hopefully, the premiere won't disappoint.

One thing is certain, it sure beats watching Greys Anatomy. That show needs to stop. Yea I said it.


A Little Baseball Talk

We've posted a few times in the past about the Phils and I just want to say that, even though they missed the playoffs for a ridiculous 12th straight season, the team showed alot of heart down the stretch and made it an entertaining final month of the season. Like most people, including the GM, I had all but written them off in July after they shipped off Abreu and others to dump some salary. But with guys like Utley, Hamels, and the no doubt in my mind league MVP Ryan Howard, the Phillies should make some noise again in 2007.

Speaking of right fielders who are afraid to run into the wall, Abreu last night appeared in his first ever playoff game with the Yankees, going 2-5 and driving in four of the team's eight runs. The Yanks won 8-4. Special shout-out to Derek Jeter, who went 5-5 and scored three runs. Amazing game. I bet you Jeter reads this.

I'm a big fan of the MLB playoffs. Of the four major sports, I think baseball provides the most excitement during its playoffs. Love Joe Buck and Tim McCarver calling the games for FOX. Great voices and they almost always know what they're talking about. Which is funny because I despise Buck as a football announcer. Probably because he was the one calling all the Eagles' playoff losses and I was really pissed off. It could've been God announcing those games and I would've cursed him (or her, but most likely him) out.

No Yanks-Sox series for the second straight season. Very disappointing because it really is the greatest rivalry in any sport. And October is always a little more enjoyable when those two take the field. Maybe next year.

Last night, the temperature for the first pitch of the Yanks-Tigers game was a comfortable 76 degrees. Another great thing about the MLB playoffs is fans are wearing t-shirts at the start, but by the time the World Series rolls around at the end of the month, everyone is wearing jackets, gloves and hats. Unless you're in LA. But who cares about Dodgers fans?

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