Tuesday, February 27, 2007


21 chances to sit home scratching my balls

Last week, Friday I believe, I found out what should have been good news: I have 21 days off remaining in this fiscal year. Sounds great right? Not so fast! The fiscal year is over on June 30th and I can't take time off for most of May.

I'm still going to get some of these days off here and there, plus I get to transfer five of them into next year, but honestly I don't think I can take 21 days off over 4 months. I don't even really need them. Why take 21 days off? I gots shit to do at work mothafuckas.

So here is the deal: hows bout anyone reading this suggests a day I can take off along with a reason. Then once I get all of these great ideas I will fill out a time off form with said suggestions. Its so obvious. Why didn't I do this last year? Oh yea, I'm an idiot.

p.s.- If your idea involves travel or spending money of any kind go right ahead. I'm loaded!


Flying kites is hardcore

I just found this article and thought that it was in-fucking-sane... but then kinda funny at how absurd the whole thing really is. They're kites for Christs sake!

LAHORE, Pakistan -- An annual kite festival Sunday in eastern Pakistan has left at least 11 people dead. Officials said two died after their throats were cut by metal kite strings. Kite flyers often use string made of wire or coated with ground glass to try to cut the strings of rivals or damage other kites. The festival is also often marked with celebratory gunshots fired into the air. Five people died after being hit by stray bullets.

Two people were electrocuted when they tried to untangle kites from overhead power cables. Two others fell from roofs. One was a boy chasing a stray kite. Another was a woman trying to stop her son from going after a kite. Police arrested more than 700 people during this year's festival for using sharpened kite strings or firing guns. Officials said they also seized more than 280 illegally held weapons.

I do feel bad about the child and mother though.

Thursday, February 22, 2007


Home videos

I realize some people might have found the butt rapeing from my last post a little hard too take. This time I took a compilation of some old home videos of my hero: my dad. If you ever wondered why I am the way I am just check out my old man in action.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


Somebody get Bruce Willis on the horn

Armageddon is coming.

U.N. urged to take action on asteroid threat
POSTED: 10:13 a.m. EST, February 19, 2007

SAN FRANCISCO, California (Reuters) -- An asteroid may come uncomfortably close to Earth in 2036 and the United Nations should assume responsibility for a space mission to deflect it, a group of astronauts, engineers and scientists said on Saturday.

Astronomers are monitoring an asteroid named Apophis, which has a 1 in 45,000 chance of striking Earth on April 13, 2036.

Although the odds of an impact by this particular asteroid are low, a recent congressional mandate for NASA to upgrade its tracking of near-Earth asteroids is expected to uncover hundreds, if not thousands of threatening space rocks in the near future, former astronaut Rusty Schweickart said.

"It's not just Apophis we're looking at. Every country is at risk. We need a set of general principles to deal with this issue," Schweickart, a member of the Apollo 9 crew that orbited the earth in March 1969, told an American Association for the Advancement of Science conference in San Francisco.

Schweickart plans to present an update next week to the U.N. Committee on Peaceful Uses of Outer Space on plans to develop a blueprint for a global response to an asteroid threat.

The Association of Space Explorers, a group of former astronauts and cosmonauts, intends to host a series of high-level workshops this year to flesh out the plan and will make a formal proposal to the U.N. in 2009, he said.

Schweickart wants to see the United Nations adopt procedures for assessing asteroid threats and deciding if and when to take action.

The favored approach to dealing with a potentially deadly space rock is to dispatch a spacecraft that would use gravity to alter the asteroid's course so it no longer threatens Earth, said astronaut Ed Lu, a veteran of the international space station.

The so-called Gravity Tractor could maintain a position near the threatening asteroid, exerting a gentle tug that, over time, would deflect the asteroid.

An asteroid the size of Apophis, which is about 460 feet long, would take about 12 days of gravity-tugging, Lu added.

Mission costs are estimated at $300 million.

Launching an asteroid deflection mission early would reduce the amount of energy needed to alter its course and increase the chances of a successful outcome, Schweickart said.

NASA says the precise effect of a 460-foot object hitting the Earth would depend on what the asteroid was made of and the angle of impact.

Paul Slovic, president of Oregon-based Decision Research, which studies judgment, decision-making and risk analysis, said the asteroid could take out an entire city or region.


Monday, February 19, 2007


Ain't nothin' wrong, with doin' the butt all night long

I would like to take this opportunity to talk about a nation wide dilemma that has been happening more frequently in our higher learning facilities with males between the ages of 18-24. An issue, although very serious, does not get nearly as much attention as binge drinking, date rape, bulimia or even chronic masturbation (a post for another time F.Y.I.) The subject? Bro rape. Please watch and become aware. There are many victims out there... just ask Tone Loc.


Was President Lincoln OK?

I would like to be the first to say, "Thanks Abe. Thanks Georgie boy. Thanks for the day off." And I'm saying that because I love the both of you equally for that thing that you both did, possibly together, maybe separate? I'm not really sure but it must have been a-some if it got us a day off from work and in the end that's all that matters.

As nice as it is to have the day off it equally sucks when you still get up at your regular time and go in because you have some shit to do that can't wait till Tuesday(Another reason I hate New York). I basically came in, saw Miz cynical on the elevator (which means I didn't even get a chance to scare her), started working, finished up around 1 and was on my way. There wasn't even a positive about being there that long. I did sleep for about 2 hours when I got home but that's a poor positive.

A good positive that has nothing to do with work is that I took all my Omaha steaks out of the boxes and will, God willing, be doing some grilling in the next week. Did I mention that it came with lava cakes ladies? Hope every ones day off went as spectacular as mine.

Friday, February 16, 2007


What the F, Bloc Party?

Ok here in one run-on sentance is my beef today: Is there anything more annoying then when you read about one of your favorites bands coming out with an album, six months go by and you hear nothing about about it, suddenly its out and you read this review which gives it freaking straight up A and you are all fired up, so you run out to your local record store (or run home and pirate the album using your neighbors internet signal, but whatever) and buy the album, and put it on....and it's kind of weak. I mean, not bad, like if I was hearing the band for the first time I would think it was pretty solid, so you start to talk yourself into it with things like "well, the choruses are pretty good" or "i like a couple of songs in the middle a lot" or the real death knell "well, it's more mature than the first album." And then you are on your way to work and it's maybe 7 degrees outside and you happen to throw on the first album, and realize that no, it is unacceptable that Bloc Party decided they needed to go all Radiohead and try to make some kind of freaking artistic statement when "Silent Alarm" was the best thing to come out of England since, who knows, the Clash? To answer my own rhetorical question, no, there is not anything more annoying than that. What the F, Bloc Party! (still worth buying by the way, some of the songs in the middle are really solid....)

Sunday, February 11, 2007


Let the countdown begin

As some of you may or may not know spring training is quickly coming up on us. Which means that the actual season is right around the corner. And hopefully this year, right around the corner there wont be some guys waiting to jump us because its looking like the Phillies are going to be contending for a division title. God I hope so. It seems like the last couple years going into spring training everything looks good enough for a wildcard spot, and they did the last two years, but sadly slow starts turned into early tee times.

This year though things are looking like they will be different. For the first time we have some real solid starters, six to be exact, which is good news. Once spring training starts theres bound to be someone out there who realizes they some more depth in the rotation and we will have the perfect guy for ya: John Lieber. He was decent this year, solid the year before, he could easily get us the set up guy we've been trying to get for him. I feel this is the key move going into spring training, cause lets face it, Pat "I hit .222 with runners in scoring position" Burrell isn't going anywhere for now. The only chance is that we make it so miserable for him that he wants to get the fuck out of town and wont demand the Sox or Yanks or whoever else wouldn't want him for a bag of beans.

One thing I am worried about though is Chris Coste. The guy hit .328 in 66 games, quickly became a favorite but there still might not be room for him behind the plate or on the bench. Like everyone else I'm hoping he finds his way into one of the two spots.

You know what? I"m probably setting myself up for a big fat letdown like every year but fuck it, you gotta get excited over something when the sixers and flyers play like this.

On a side note that has nothing to do with the Phillies: I started a new blog. spaztown.blogspot.com No more bringing this place down on a regular basis but still on occasion.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


"Hey go Nova." "Uh I go to St. Joe's you idiot"

I don't get excited about many things, unless they involve Bette Midler's greatest hits, chocolate syrup and chia pets if you know what I mean. You probably don't though because I don't even know what I meant by that.

The real reason for this post was to let all four of you know that I am excited about college basketball. We are just a month out from March Madness, a time when I can skip work to watch basketball, begin drinking heavily early in the day, and incorrectly predict the winners of games which ultimately will lead to me losing lots of money.

There are two great games I am looking foward to this week, Rivalry Week. One because it's local and the other because it's going to be so exciting I will urinate in my pants on purpose like those times in Wildwood.

Tonight, Villanova and St. Joe's will do battle in the
Holy War. This is always a fun game because of the fans alone. Nova has all the obnoxious, "it doesn't matter if we win because we'll still have more money than you" fans (sorry to the two Nova people who may read this). SJU just has a bunch of idiots in their student section, many of whom I consider good friends. In the end, it doesn't matter to me who wins, just as long as it's a good one. Although watching Jameer and company roll into the Pavillion a few years back and win by 29 was sweet.

Tomorrow night is the game of all games. Duke versus North Carolina. The best rivalry in college b-ball and in my opinion the second best in all sports, behind Yanks-Sox. This outcome I do care about. Duke-UNC games never disappoint. I'm hoping for a good one but wouldn't be too upset if UNC blew the Dukies out like the little bastards they are. Go Heels. I need to pee.

Monday, February 05, 2007



Last night was the big game. Who knew right? Yup, Colts VS. Bears. Colts won. Colts covered. I drank a lot of beer and ate steak at the bar. Good times.

Now its time for the fightins motherfuckers and if you haven't heard we tied up Myers with a nice deal. Playoffs this year? Thats all I'm going to say on the subject. I'm kinda superstitious like that.

How about that cold weather? I can deal with my face, ears, nose and entire body freezing but I hate how long it takes to warm up once I get inside. It takes like 30 minutes. And another 20 for my junk to go back to normal. Damn cold weather.

Sunday, February 04, 2007


The new Disney World?

I was surfing around the old interweb and found some interesting pics about dangerous roads. Basically it was a bunch of shots of roads on the sides of mountains with two way traffic, which should have only been one way.

This picture, however is not meant for driving on. Its for walking. Apparently its a tourist trail in China. So, there is probably hundreds of people who cross these boards and hang on to the chains for thier lives every year. Me? I think I would do it. Looks kinda fun.

Saturday, February 03, 2007


Reunion Tours of the summer

In case everyone and there mom hasn't heard already this is going to be the summer of reunion tours. Big reunions too.

All awesome bands. Some haven't played together in almost 30 years, 20+, 20, or just like 5 but either way i want to see them all. All I say! Just look at the lineup and not gasp like you just saw your parents getting busy on the kitchen table. Heres the list from my the band I least care about to most.

Smashing Pumkins. One of the best bands of the 90's no doubt. Tons of hits and a freaky looking bold lead singer. Siamese dream anyone? Mellon collie and the infinite sadness? Uh huh. Thats some good shit there.

Van Halen. I think Van Halen had a reunion tour like a year or two ago but that was with Sammy "I can't drive 55" Hagar. And really who cares about him? This summer they got the original man back, Diamond Dave himself. Bascially if you can think of a big VH hit it was sung by Dave. On a sad note however, they just recently kicked out bass played Michael Anthony, who some of you may know as my little dance move I do to compete with Tone Locs amazing Mick Jagger. Oh well, they have a 15 y/o Wolfgang Van Halen in the band now. Whatever, its the damn bass. Funny story about David Lee Roth: Once he was "blowing" coke in a bedroom with some gusy from Motley Crue. Someone started a fight or something and a mirror fell off the wall and fell, and smashed right on Daves head. He didn't even notice.

Rage against the machine. This one is kinda hard to get excited for in a way because its for one show only but perhaps they will get together to do a big tour and decide to rock my face off here in Philly. I can hope. I personally dont really care for Audioslave, which is rage minus the lead singer but added Chris Cornell of Soundgarden. Now THATS a reunion tour I would go see.

The Police. I'm not really a huge fan in the sense I dont have any CD's or anything but how can you not like them? Its impossible. They got too many good tunes to not wanna see them. I imagine a lot of people who were my age in the 80's when the Police were at their height of popularity are dieing to see them. One of the few bands who went out on top. They broke up when they were at thier peak

And the band I want to see the most is... Led fuckin' Zeppelin.
In all honesty I dont think i have really listened to a Zep CD in years but you know what? I listened to them almost non stop in high school so I sstill know all the lyrics, all the solos, all the drum beats, everything. I think I'm going to have to call them my favorite band.

This is the first time since the greatest drummer ever, John Bonham, died that all 3 remaining members have toured together. And to make it an official Zeppelin reunion they got John's son Jason Bonham to play the drums. Can't. Fucking. Wait.

Well, thats my review. Anyone want to go to a concert with me?

Friday, February 02, 2007


The jerk store called and said they're all out of you!

Has anyone else notice that blog-o-mania has died down again after the last week or two? It was getting a little out of hand there for a minute but it seems things are back to normal. Meaning sounpretty still has atleast 15 new posts a week, smedelicious will post maybe once a week but three at a shot and we here will post once. Because were lazy. At least I am.

Anyway, heres some randomness.

Are the Phils playing yet? I can not wait to start going to games, have a few beers, yell at Pat the bat to get out of Philly. The stuff summers about. Oh, and those season awesome seats I can get are going to cost me a small fortune but its worth the splurge. I predict a big season and I want to be front and center for it.

Boston is full od idiots. They think a lit up sign of a cartoon character from aqua teen hunger force is a bomb. That is wicked stupid.

Speaking of cartoon network, when are they coming out with new episodes of sea lab 2021? Everyone loved that show. Bring it back already dingleberries.

I'm a shady dude.

Is Al Gore going to be running for presidente or what? If he does I would vote for him. Not for any of his enviromental hooha but because he was on Futurama befor and was hi-larious!

I have a new intern and you dont. Well, actually some of you who read this do too but people are assuming he is mine so I am going to officially proclaim him as mine right here and now. Tone Loc has nothing to fear however no matter what Morgan says.

I still need a massage. Not a butt massage or anything but right around the shoulder region for like 5 minutes. First person to do so will get $10 in U.S. currency. (Insert happy ending joke here.)

Work this Friday is going to suck much like it did today, Thursay, and I dont feel like going in. If I didnt have so much to do I would take off and just watch the Simpsons. I am not going to be a happy pappy.

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