Thursday, May 24, 2007


I don't have sh*t to post about, so I'll just ramble

It's already May 24th and its not unofficially summertime. Obviously I know summer beings in June, but its not officially unofficially summertime til I hear "Summertime" by the almighty DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.

How is possible that Red Bull tastes better after it's mixed with vodka?

I was disappointed by the last few minutes of 2 different season finales this week, 24 and Lost. Why did 24 go off at 9:55 (real-life time)? Its like they ran out of things to cover at 9:45, stalled until 9:55, and then ended the episode providing us with 5 minutes of commercials. Sh*t could of just went off at 9:45 but Jack still had a few minutes left in his "24 hours". I don't think he's peed or eaten all season so they should have ended with him making a grilled cheese sandwich or something. And Lost? Won't even get into it. (Yeah TV is serious for me, I'm a dweeb.)

I don't know who else cares that may be reading this, but how great was it to see the Boston Celtics fall to fifth in the draft lottery? That's karma for tanking the whole second half of the season.

I think I'll take this opportunity to bless you guys with some of my favorite youtube uhhh... favorites:

Nerf Basketball Dunk Contest: Part 1 and Part 2
DESTRO featuring The Baroness- "Get Money" MUSIC VIDEO (80s cartoon fans)
Jack Bauer "24" Dammit! Montage
Shaq cursing on live TV... and doesn't care
ESPN SportsCenter Big Buddy Commercial
The Kevin Hart scene from the 40 Year Old Virgin

I'll leave it there for now.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


Whoops a doodle

Who says is golf isn't a dangerous sport?

FALLBROOK, Calif. - A golfer died Tuesday after his golf cart plunged 75 feet off a cliff and crashed onto a road below, authorities said.

The 65-year-old man teed off with three friends on the second hole of the Pala Mesa Resort Golf Course about 50 miles north of San Diego at around 10 a.m. and then got into his cart.

The vehicle veered off the concrete pathway, traveled down a 25-foot embankment and went over the edge of the cliff, California Highway Patrol spokesman Tom Kerns said.

The victim, a recently retired real estate agent from Irvine, was ejected shortly before the cart hit the road beneath the cliff and died on impact, Kerns said. His name was not immediately released.

No one else was involved in the crash.

Investigators will inspect the golf cart for mechanical failures, Kerns said. Drugs or alcohol were not thought to have been factors in the crash.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


Yo girl you like horses?

I feel obligated to post about my first, and last, trip to Preakness in Baltimore on Saturday. Wow, what a drunken mess. I had always heard that Preakness attracts the most white-trash of the three Triple Crown races, but the amount of hicks there this year blew my mind. It's important to note that I was in the infield, where young people go to waste away their soberness and money. Think of it as the Tweeter Center lawn, only alot more peeps. Real people with big hats actually get seats inside the race track, where they can see an entire race.
The day started out with an 8:00 a.m. school bus ride down to Baltimore. By the time we arrived at Pimlico Race Course around 11ish, most of the 15 or so of us were sloppy, if not drunk. Keg in the back mixed with some tunes made for a fun ride.

The scene when you arrive is surreal. For one day a year, tens of thousands of people descend on this part of town for a race that lasts less than two minutes. That and the all-day drink fest that preceeds the big race. The course is surrounded by projects, and the people who live there are prepared to take advantage of this day. From their yards, they sell hot dogs, burgers, crab cakes (it's Maryland), ribs, wings, and their bathrooms to passing pedestrians. Little neighborhood kids are making money by using shopping carts to carry cases of beer for those who have a long walk to the infield.
Once you enter the infield, you set up shop, continue drinking and try to catch a glimpse of the other races going on before the big one. To summarize, you drink, you pee, you bet, you eat a $6 slice of pizza, repeat cycle.

By far, the most entertaining part of the infield is watching people attempt to run across the tops of rows of port-o-potties, aka johnnies on the spot, without falling or getting nailed with cans of beer. It's hard to describe. So picture people trying to run a across a row of logs on water, only it's the tops of portable bathrooms. Meanwhile, they are slipping every step and ducking beer cans thrown at them. I witnessed one broken nose and several other hard falls. The best part- security kicks you out even if you somehow make it across. I didn't attempt to play this game.

As for my day, I drank alot, made fun of alot of people but avoided fighting, won one bet (a small one at that), and left before Preakness even went down. Certainly an experience, but not one I would ever do again. Also, I was blasted in the ear with a day old "soft" pretzel and now I can't sleep on my right side because it hurts too much. This year's Preakness drew a record crowd of 121,263 and I'm proud to say I was a part of it. Not really though.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


In keeping with the mortal kombat theme

Watch this and tell me don't feel awful for laughing:


Monday, May 14, 2007


Mortal Kombat!

I was listening to my usual 20 minutes of the always hilarious Preston and Steve Morning Show today and heard the tale of the long-time Villanova student known as Mendel Doug. Apparently, he is a maniac who walks around campus with a Star Wars-esque light saber and, as seen in the video, other plastic weapons that probably hurt when you get hit with them. Let me just say that this guy is awesome.

I immediately e-mailed my Nova alum friend who further confirmed his existence. Callers in to the show said he hangs out in Sea Isle too. Which means, if I see Mendel Doug out in SIC this summer, I am going to challenge him. Hopefully, I will fare better than this guy did. Although, according to my friend, Mendel Doug is a rugby player. So he will most likely beast me. But what I lack in strength I make up for in speed, meaning I will run away when he goes all Luke Skywalker on my ass. JMoney, we have to find this guy.

Speaking of rugby, for the second time in my life I was at a bar this weekend full of women rugby players. Now I'm not one to stereotype but I didn't have to. They were manning it up aka making out like drunken men right in front me. Oh those silly women rugby players.


The man unmasked

I thought since not everyone has seen what Tone Loc looks like in person I would throw his pic up here for all to see. Handsome aye?


Don't call her pale!

I'm going to try and make this quick instead of dragging it out and being as boring as a post made by flip flop girl. Here goes.

Last week me, unusual suspect, flip flop and someone who doesn't have a blog, thus no name, went out to a work event with free drinks (why else would we go ya mook?) after drinking for free for a couple hours there we went to McGillans and had some $5 pitchers and watched the funniest kareoke performace of "eight days a week", possible ever.

So we leave McGillans when the suggestion of going to Bump comes up. Bumps a gay bar. Earlier in the night when this first came up it was a solid no from me. Now I said sure, what the fuck. It doesn't actually make me gay. Does it?!?!? So were walking there when some gay dude says to unusual, "Ew, look how pale she is." This isn't exactly an earthshattering thing to say but I didnt like how he said it and that he was just bein a fuckin dick. So I did what any drunk guy does, start yellin shit and hope for a fight. It didnt happen, which is good because I would have caved his face in with this shit (points to fist).

Bottom line: Don't call unusal suspect pale motherfucka


I'm here for the gangbang

I gotta say, looking back this past weekend wasn't too shabby. Not the best weekend ever but not the worse. Two Phillies games, two W's. Friday was actually the first time to a game this year in my regular seats. Regular seats meaning I bought about nine games worth off of a buddy with season tickets. I gotta say, premo seats and the best part about them is that they were close but we still had shelter from the rain and did not get a single drop of rain on us. All in all, good time. So, to all the people who had other plans and didn't want to come, you missed out.

Saturday after the game I ventured into olde city for Tone Loc's birthday. $2 drafts and some kid I dont know tearin up the dance floor were obvious highlights. Apparently it was lesbian night but I missed all that action. And since I didn't get out till late, and the night was young, i called up a friend of mine and hung out with her and her boyfriend till 8am. I was afraid it would be weird just the three of us hangin out but it wasn't. I guess thats obvious since we were up till 8 and they let me crash on their couch. Being a third wheel is actually becoming a talent of mine. I can think of four couples I've hung out with in the last month where it was only mildly awkward. Usually because I would suggest having a threesome, followed by demanding a threesome and finally having my own threesome with both my hands.

All in all, an OK weekend.

Sunday, May 06, 2007


Marines in Afghanistan

I dont agree or disagree w/ it, but it's some real sh*t.

*Contains strong language

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