Sunday, May 20, 2007

 

Yo girl you like horses?

I feel obligated to post about my first, and last, trip to Preakness in Baltimore on Saturday. Wow, what a drunken mess. I had always heard that Preakness attracts the most white-trash of the three Triple Crown races, but the amount of hicks there this year blew my mind. It's important to note that I was in the infield, where young people go to waste away their soberness and money. Think of it as the Tweeter Center lawn, only alot more peeps. Real people with big hats actually get seats inside the race track, where they can see an entire race.
The day started out with an 8:00 a.m. school bus ride down to Baltimore. By the time we arrived at Pimlico Race Course around 11ish, most of the 15 or so of us were sloppy, if not drunk. Keg in the back mixed with some tunes made for a fun ride.

The scene when you arrive is surreal. For one day a year, tens of thousands of people descend on this part of town for a race that lasts less than two minutes. That and the all-day drink fest that preceeds the big race. The course is surrounded by projects, and the people who live there are prepared to take advantage of this day. From their yards, they sell hot dogs, burgers, crab cakes (it's Maryland), ribs, wings, and their bathrooms to passing pedestrians. Little neighborhood kids are making money by using shopping carts to carry cases of beer for those who have a long walk to the infield.
Once you enter the infield, you set up shop, continue drinking and try to catch a glimpse of the other races going on before the big one. To summarize, you drink, you pee, you bet, you eat a $6 slice of pizza, repeat cycle.

By far, the most entertaining part of the infield is watching people attempt to run across the tops of rows of port-o-potties, aka johnnies on the spot, without falling or getting nailed with cans of beer. It's hard to describe. So picture people trying to run a across a row of logs on water, only it's the tops of portable bathrooms. Meanwhile, they are slipping every step and ducking beer cans thrown at them. I witnessed one broken nose and several other hard falls. The best part- security kicks you out even if you somehow make it across. I didn't attempt to play this game.

As for my day, I drank alot, made fun of alot of people but avoided fighting, won one bet (a small one at that), and left before Preakness even went down. Certainly an experience, but not one I would ever do again. Also, I was blasted in the ear with a day old "soft" pretzel and now I can't sleep on my right side because it hurts too much. This year's Preakness drew a record crowd of 121,263 and I'm proud to say I was a part of it. Not really though.

Comments:
The "nail the dude running across port-a-potties" needs to be one of those annoying flash banner ad games.
 
that sounds like it should be a game on American gladiators: white trash edition
 
boy, if i had a nickel for every time someone blasted me in the ear with a day-old soft pretzel...

you are in an idiot, historically speaking...
 
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Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n8xMAh29rc
 
great find. Words can't describe it.
 
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