What the F?

Tonight I would like to pay tribute to the greatest wrestling figure to ever walk God's green earth and Pluto's cold surface (thats right, he was there, none other than Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Just feel the way that slips off the tounge. Its like magic.

Jim Duggan grew up in the harse wilderness of Montana. To combate the conditions, he willed his face to grow the manliest beard to ever grow at the not so tender age of 5 and 3/4. The second youngest in his family.

While roaming the unknown in the badlands of Montana, Duggan would constantly need to kill his food with his bare hands. This was raising hell on his cuiticles, thus the need for a weapon. But what weapon could he find in the wilderness? The wilderness of course. He knocked over the biggest tree in Montana with his shoulder, widled it down with his teeth, and shaped the most perfect 2x4. Almost as perfect as his beard. Now armed with beard and 2x4 there was only one more thing needed put in place to strike fear into his prey. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. U-S-A. U-S-A. U-S-A." Now he is ready for the big time.

After wiping out 13 different species in Montana, Jim went out to discover the world. Somehow he became a wrestler. Honestly he just showed up one day to a wrestling show and got in the ring. He already had the trunks and boots on so he fit in nicely. Plus he had a great beard, perfect 2x4, and blood curdaling cry. Ingredients for a super star. All he needed was a nickname. But what? Vince McMahon asked him if he had one, and his responce was that his mom called him hacksaw because when he was born he weighed an amazing 20lbs. and tore out of her like one. Vince was disgusted but agreed it was a neat-o nickname.

Today no one knows what became of "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. At least I dont. And I'm not looking it up damnit... so he's a mailman.