What the F?

Let me be the first to say, "good job T.L." We clearly have a very similar taste in movies. Your top 10 comedy movie list is pretty on point with what I would have said. You said it a better funnier way but still close enough. Although I would have added Monty Pythones search for the holy grail and Anchorman to that list and took off Tommy boy and Meet the parents, but anyway. Like I was saying, good list, good topic. After reading it I began to think about my own top 10 and how lame it would be to post them right after you so instead I have compiled a top 10 list of my favorite best of the worst comedies.

You know you have been sitting at home flicking around the T.V. and see the biggest piece of crap movie that you would never have paid to see in the movie theater but since its free now, and its on, you love it. So this list goes out to the straight to cable nightmares that gave me something to do on Friday and Saturday night thru out high school... and college... and now... wow thats sad.

10. Howard the Duck
Who would have thought that a duckman from another planet landing onto our great planet earth could be so much fun. Apparently not many people since it bombed bigger than Hiroshima. Thing I remember most from this movie as a kid? A dollar bill in Howards wallet has a picture of a duck president. Now thats movie magic.












9. Hudson Hawk
Cath the excitement. Cath the adventure. Cath the Hawk. That was the actual tag line to this Bruce Willis turd. Basically its about a cat burglar who is forced to steal Da Vinci works of art for world domination. Same old same old. Honestly though I love it. I dont know what it is but I'm pretty sure its the character butterfinger. All of the villians have candy bar names. Did I mention that? How can super villian candy bars not be a great movie?










8. Stop or my mom will shoot
Stallone. The oldest lady from the golden girls. Need I say more? Basically Stallone is a bad ass cop whos mom is staying with him and still treats him like a little boy. So much so that she follows him along on a case. I think she ends up killing like 20 dudes with her bare hands. Its pretty hardcore
















7. So I married an axe murderer
Everyone has seen this movie a hundred times on comedy central, do i really need to write about it? Mike Myers dresses up like his father and does his Shrek voice while making fun of his sons giant head. This is comedy gold people. C f'ing G.















6. Canadian Bacon
Oh, John candy, how I miss you. This movie is basically for all of us Canada haters. Know what I'm talking aboot? Basically its a movie about a shitty president who needs to start a war because the election is coming up and he wants a second term. And who is an easier target than Iraq? I mean Canada. Sorry I got real life mixed up with cinema. Best part of the movie? When a giant fight breaks out at a hockey game because John Candy says Canadian beers sucks. God bless America










5. Tango and Cash
One cop plays by the rules the other has none. And than they get set up and sent to jail where they aressted everone in there. Thats basically the plot. Oh, and they blow shit the fudge up. Seriously though Stallone and Kurt Russell tear the screen up in this classic gem. If you havent seen this a 100x or more than there is something seriously wrong with you.










4. Just one of the guys
If your like me the first set of boobs you saw was in this movie. And what a set! Seriously. And yet I had no idea what a surprise I was in for. Here is the basic premis: Girl wants to be a reporter and is pissed at her macho boyfriend for something, its not really important. So to prove she can be a groundbreaking journalist she dresses and acts like a man. A man very similar looking to the karate kid I might add. Lots of twists, lots of sex jokes, and one set of exposed boobs and childhood memories makes this a classic.











3. Summer School
At Ocean Front High, what do they call a guy who cuts classes, hates homework, and lives for summer vacations? Teacher. Basically its about a bunch of really dumb kids who have to go to summer school. Except that this class teaches more than history, it teaches life lessons. Believe it or not Rob Reiner made this. I swear to God he did.










2. Commando
This is by far Arnold Schwarzenegger's finest work EVER! Arnold plays John Matrix, retired killing machine. That is until his daughter is kidnapped. By an old friend no less! So Arnold basically kills everything in sight until he gets her back. No seriously everything! I counted before and he kills over 150 people in this movie. Even better than the killing is the guy who is suppose to be even more bad ass than Arnold, Bennett... but isnt. He's fat, no muscle tone, girly screams, girly arm movements, and he wears a metal netted shirt. Did I mention all of the one liners? no? Well here they are:

Arius: Your father appears to be cooperating. You will be back with him soon. Won't that be nice?
Jenny: Not as nearly as nice as watching him smash your face in!

[Matrix has thrown a pipe through Bennett]
Matrix: Let off some steam, Bennett.

Sully: Here's twenty dollars to get some drinks in Val Verde. It'll give us all a little more time with your daughter.
Henriques: Heh.
Matrix: You're a funny man, Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last.

Matrix: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
Sully: That's right, Matrix. You did!
Matrix: I lied.

Matrix: I eat Green Berets for breakfast.

Matrix: Don't break radio silence until they see me.
Cindy: How will I know?
Matrix: Because all fucking hell is going to break loose.

Matrix: [after killing a man in the plane] Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired.

Biggs, Mall Security Guard: Attention all units, emergency on theater level, suspect six foot two, brown hair. He is one gigantic motherfucker!

Soldier: Fuck you, asshole!
Col. John Matrix: FUCK YOU, asshole!
Cindy: I don't beleive this macho bullshit!














1. Dirty Work
I LOVE this movie. Starring Norm MacDonald(Mitch) from saturday night live and Artie Lange(Sam) currently from the Howard Stern Show, this is easily the best worst comedy. Norm was my favorite comedian back in the day because of his super dry sense of humor and he shows it off well here my friends. Basically its about two screw ups who cant do anything right except getting revenge on people, so they open up business and do revenge for hire. Bob Saget from full jouse directed and Chevy Chase, Adam Sandler(the devil) and Don Rickles(Mr. Hmilton) make cameos. Chris Farely(Jimmy) is also in this bad boy, his last movie appearence actually. So in honor of Dirty Work, here are some quotes:

Mitch: Note to self: Making love to blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.

Mitch: There's two kinds of people in this world: Those who get stomped on and those who do the stomping.
Kathy: Where'd you come up with that theory?
Mitch: That famous guy said it. What's his name? Uh... Oh, yeah: Jesus!

[Sam and Mitch have learned that they are half-brothers]
Mitch: Hey, hey! Hey, you remember in 5th grade when I was under the monkey bars and I sneaked a peek at your sister's underwear? Remember that? Hey, no no! I was sneaking a peek at my *own* sister's underwear!
Sam: That's right! Yeah, and then remember in the 12th grade, you had sex with her?

Kathy: You guys are brothers?
Mitch: Well, it's a long story...
Sam: My dad boned his mom.
Mitch: Okay, so it's a short story.

Bearded Lady: Hey, baby. You ever had a chick with a beard before?
Mitch: Can't say that I have there, bearded broad.
Bearded Lady: Well, then, sugar, you haven't lived.
Mitch: Note to self: I don't want to live.

Mitch: Sam, are you pissing off the side of the building?
Sam: Sorta.


Mitch: Okay, settle down, prostitutes. Now, understand that you each get twenty dollars, and this requires no sex, no sex at all, regardless of what this character tells you.
[motions to Sam]

Mitch: I've never seen so many dead hookers in all my life!
Bystander: Lord knows I have.

Jimmy: And there's the Saigon whore that bit my nose off!

Mr. Hamilton: So there you are, tubby. Look like a bucket of lard on a bad day. You baby gorilla. Why don't you work in a zoo, and stop bothering people? Got a call yesterday from Baskin Robbins. They said that they're down to only five flavors. You're swelling up as I talk to you.

Dr. Farthing: I know there's really nobody to blame for this but myself, well, I don't know, maybe the Buffalo Bills, the Boston Red Sox, or Mr. T or, or the Jets...
Mitch: Wait a minute, Mr T.? Are you telling me that you bet on the fight in Rocky III, and that you bet against Rocky?
Dr. Farthing: Hindsight is twenty-twenty, my friend.

[at Mazetti's bar]
Mitch: Yeah, well, things could be worse, you know. I could have got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore!
[Jimmy slowly turns to face the camera and blows smoke from his cigarette, exposing his scarred nose]
Jimmy: [shouts] You bastard!
Mitch: Hey, I'm just messin' with you, Jimmy. I saw you down there. Hey, Mazetti, get Jimmy a beer on me.
Jimmy: [laughs] Okay. It's all right.

Homeless Guy: And then when you jumped on that security guard's back and you were yelling in his ear, "The CIA put a chip in my brain!" I was laughing so hard, I almost shit my pants.
Martin: [grinning] Almost!
[They do a high-five]

Sam: Hey, doc, what happened to your foot?
Dr. Farthing: What I don't understand is... when you owe a bookie a lot of money, and he, say, blows off one of your toes, you still owe him the money. Doesn't seem fair to me. Especially when he's gonna kill me in four days anyway.

Mitch: Dr. Farthing, what happened to your arm?
Dr. Farthing: Well, it was either from sleeping on it the wrong way or a bookie throwing me out of a speeding car...

Pops: Back then we didn't have these fancy birth control methods. Like pulling out.

Dr. Farthing: For six hundred dollars, I can sell you a perfectly good hospital bed.
Sam: Are you crazy? I don't need a bed.
Dr. Farthing: [Nods, and gives the famous Chevy Chase "ingratiating stare."] Playing hardball, are you?

Frat Guy: [sarcastically] Hey, that was really funny, siccing the cops on us like that.
[Second frat guy behind him says, "Yeah!"]
Mitch: Really? I mean, don't get me wrong, I thought it was funny, but I'm surprised you guys did, because, uh, you got your asses kicked.

Pops: Let me take you to Vegas, baby! You know what they say, it ain't over till the fat lady checks into a cheap hotel with Pops.

Mike Anscombe: Looks like there's gonna be a brawl. You playin' something good?
Jimmy: Hell, yeah! Rolling Stones, Street Fighting Man! G-7!
Mike Anscombe: ...you just hit G-8.
[Jimmy looks shocked, as Escape, the Pina Colada Song, blasts from the jukebox]

[Kathy enters the Dirty Work headquarters, where Mitch is deep in thought]
Kathy: [flirtatiously] What havoc are you planning to wreak now?
Mitch: Kathy! What are you doing here?
Kathy: Um, actually I was looking for you. I saw how you and your friend saved that woman's house.
[giggles]
Kathy: Guess it turns out you can use your powers for good as well as evil.

Sam: So, you mean to tell me that that sweet girl's grandmother runs a whorehouse out of the building we're about to destroy?
Mitch: Yeah, I feel awful doing this to Kathy.
Sam: Hey, uh, Mitch, you're really starting to like this Kathy, aren't ya?
Mitch: [with a huge, smirking grin] Nooooooo.
Sam: Mitch, I know you, man. When you say "no" like that, you really mean yes.
Mitch: What are ya talking about?
Sam: Watch, I'll show you. Mitch, uh, did you ever rob a bank?
Mitch: [definitely] No.
Sam: Did you ever climb Mount Everest?
Mitch: [more definitely] No.
Sam: Did you ever say that you can see why women find Sean Connery sexy?
Mitch: [with a huge, smirking grin] Nooooooo. - Okay, so I like Kathy a little bit. Man, I hate the fact that we have to destroy her grandmother's building.
[pause]
Mitch: But we have to.
Sam: Yep.
[They jump into the car]

Travis Cole: What are you doing? You're ruining Don Giovanni!
Mitch: Don Giovanni? Who's that dude?
Travis Cole: The opera! You're ruining the opera!
Mitch: Oh, the opera. Yes, yes, we are ruining that.

Mitch: Sam, tonight we make a wad of cash for doing something that comes natural to us, you know? Revenge! I'm telling you, we should open a revenge-for-hire business.
Sam: I never heard of a revenge-for-hire business.
Mitch: Exactly - we'd be the first! With every genius business idea, there's gotta be a first. Like, like the guy who first thought of delivering pizza to people's houses. Or, uh, the guy who invented crack.
Sam: Who's gonna hire us?
Mitch: Oh, Sam, I have a feeling that people are gonna pay us a lot of money to do their dirty work.

Mitch: Oh, and Dr. Farthing. He got over his gambling problem, but the bookies beat him to death anyway. So, he's dead. That's it. Bye


Well thats the list. Sorry if the reviews sucks but thats a lot of typing. Peace.